What are some innocuous comments and actions by non-LGBTQ+ members that are offensive? What’s “not ok” to ask?
— Colombia 🇨🇴
Josh Fletcher, Executive Creative Director at GAY TIMES says…
We often hear innocuous comments so it’s a great question. And just to be clear — I’m referring to comments or questions that seem harmless, but can actually be inappropriate or even stigmatizing. To make it easier, I’ve split my response into three sections:
1. Perpetuating Stereotypes
LGBTQ+ people come with a diverse range of interests, personality traits and physical mannerisms. So, it’s important to not fall victim to thinking being gay means someone should act a certain way. If a gay man enjoys football, that doesn’t make him ‘straight-acting’ — he’s simply a gay man with an interest in the sport. Saying things like ‘you could never tell you are gay’ implies that you have an inherent idea of what ‘gay’ is. Gay is a sexual orientation, not a stereotypical trope.
2. Invasive Curiosity
The best rule is to not ask questions to an LGBTQ+ person that you would not ask a cisgender, heterosexual colleague. It is not okay to ask about previous partners, their coming out story or other highly personal information. In an informal setting, some LGBTQ+ people may hold you in trust and talk about the more private aspects of their lives, but it’s their prerogative to start that conversation. It’s important to consider that in many cases the LGBTQ+ community is still discriminated against, so be respectful of boundaries.
3. Using Queer Descriptors as Slurs
It goes without saying that slurs are highly offensive. Using the word ‘gay’ as a pejorative can also be added to that list. If you hear colleagues using language that sounds hateful towards LGBTQ+ people, you should call them out and explain why these slurs are discriminatory. If you are not comfortable doing that — then seek out a manager or HR leader.
People can make mistakes without meaning to . . . for example, take the word ‘queer’. It has been widely reclaimed by the community and is fine to use as a way to describe someone who chooses to identify as queer. However, older generations of LGBTQ+ people are still sometimes uncomfortable with the use of the word because of how it was used against them in the mid-to-late 20th century. Just be mindful about how you use language. That way you can avoid comments that can be misperceived.
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