My Dilemma
I am in a loving relationship with my current bf for over 3 years. This is a lot of time committed to each other, meaning that this also was a lot of time for us to get into arguments/disagreements. It does not get any easier when we’re doing long-distance.
One thing that I fear the most is where we would be in the future. Whether we would be on the same page careerwise, location-wise, and how we will advance our relationship especially after my convocation.
To be frank, I do not have an idea of what I plan to do after graduation, and I am under pressure from the people that I care about the most to make a decision. Eventually, I would have to face a situation where I am pressured to choose between people that I care about the most. It hurts even more to choose when these are the same people pressuring you to make a decision. Shouldn’t your loved ones provide you comfort and support when it comes to making huge life decisions like these? But at the same time, they are supposed to motivate you to push your own boundaries to be the best person you can be?? Maybe the pressure that I’m feeling is all in my head, and the only way to find out if that is true is to clearly communicate my intentions. But the indecisiveness is real, and I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I am a very non-confrontation person, and the idea of causing conflict and disappointment terrifies me.
Now, going back to the relationship, I feel like I can only choose between my family, or my boyfriend after graduation. My mom always told me since middle school “Focus on your studies, whatever you want to do, wait until you’re done school.”. When I entered university, that changed to, “Without you at home, it’s so sad and lonely. Work hard to finish school, so you can come back home.” Other variations include:
“You and him (refering to my bf) are just friends, don’t be anything more than that until you’re done school”
“You shouldn’t do _____ until you’re done school”
I relay this to my bf, who wants to live together when I finish school. However, based on his not-so-great encounters with my mom before, he is skeptical. I try to convince him otherwise, and offer comfort, but he has grounds to be concerned.One day, when I AM finished school, what then? Do I stay at home with my parents to find a job? Will he still be in Port Elgin? Would I have to find a job in Port Elgin? Omg, he wants to go on the job search WHILE in Port Elgin?? How will my parents feel about that??
As a result of my indecisiveness, and unwillingness to disappoint anyone, I may end up disappointing both sides from being unable to make up my mind. So far, it seems like a lose-lose situation to me.
