A Conversation About Planning My Son’s Wedding

“Mommy?”

“Yes, Toby?”

“Do you have any bows? Like the ones for your hair?”

“No, honey, I don’t wear bows. Why?”

“I need you to buy me one so I can wear it. A big pink one.”

“Okay … can I ask what a little boy wants with a hair bow?”

“I need it to dress up like Hello Kitty. On Friday I need you to put black makeup on my nose and draw whiskers on my face, and I’ll put on the hair bow. Then when I get to preschool, Zoey will be so happy and we can get married.”

“You’re getting married, huh?”

“Yup! To my girlfriend Zoey. She loves Hello Kitty and I want to make her happy. She’s going to see me and want to marry me and we can do it during Center Time.”

“That sounds nice!”

“It will be so beautiful Mommy! We’re going to get married in Miss Adele’s room, and it’s going to be a huge celebration! Make sure you bring goody bags for us.”

“Goody bags?”

“Mom, everyone needs goody bags at a celebration. We’re also going to need a lot of cotton candy and animal crackers and ice cream, so you need to pick those up when you go to the supermarket, okay? Don’t get the disgusting ice cream. Get the chocolate one with chocolate chips. Everyone will like that.”

“Okay.”

“And drinks too!”

“What drinks do I need to get?”

“Nestle Pure Life. The stuff you brought home from Googa Mooga. We have a lot of that, which is good because people like a lot of drinks.”

“All right then — and what happens after the wedding on Friday?”

“Zoey’s going to come over to our house and live with us. She can stay in my bed.”

“Uh — I think her mom and dad will have a problem with that.”

“Her mom can come live with us, too. But not her dad because there’s not enough room on the couch for two people.”

“Gotcha. Who’s paying for all of this?”

“You are Mommy.”

“I am? Maybe you should get a job!”

“I have a job! Keeping my girlfriend happy, that’s my job!”

“Man, this Zoey is good.”