Dos & Don’ts: How to Negotiate Nicely Without Being a Pushover
We all want it both ways: to get what we want from a tough negotiation and to walk away with our relationship intact. The good news is that kind of outcome is possible. But how exactly do you drive a hard bargain while also employing soft skills? How do you advocate for what you want without burning important bridges?
A negotiation is “a courtship, a dance,” says Michael Wheeler, a professor at Harvard Business School and author of The Art of Negotiation: How to Improvise Agreement in a Chaotic World. “But you don’t have to compromise and settle for less in order to maintain good relations.” Jeff Weiss, a partner at Vantage Partners, a Boston-based consultancy specializing in corporate negotiations and relationship management, and author of the HBR Guide to Negotiating, agrees. People think they either have to be nice in order to spare hard feelings, or overly tough in order to win, he says. But that’s “a false dichotomy and an incredibly dangerous one.” Here’s how to negotiate to produce a lasting relationship and an outcome that works for you.
Do:
- Frame the negotiations as a problem-solving challenge.
- Take the time to make small talk. It’ll build connections you can leverage later on.
- Stress the areas on which you agree, and use words like “we” to signal you are invested in the relationship.
Don’t:
- Reflexively cave on issues because you think it’ll win you favor. It’ll come back to haunt you.
- Simply ask what the other side wants. Ask why they want it.
- Mistake impact for intent. The other side may have their own unique pressures that restrict their ability to maneuver.
For more, read How to Negotiate Nicely Without Being a Pushover by Carolyn O’Hara.
Originally published at hbrascend.org.
