Jan. 14: Doughy Doncic Devours Memphis
The Slovenian Devourer cooked his Grizzly Meal like a sublime triple-roast beef
Is he OUT OF SHAPE? Is he ROUNDING INTO READINESS? Is he PLAIN FAT? Whatever he is, HE IS. Haters gonna hate and that’s older than the oldest day of Earth back a gazillion years. Luka never stopped SLASHING foes. Like, never, for real. And the Grizzlies, they of the 11 consecutive wins before Friday, can attest.
Yes, the face is circle-shaped. Yes, the muscles are greasy. Yes, the belly is bulky. But also yes, Luka never met a team he would not like to eat for pure pleasure. Just yesterday and in a low 32 minutes of playing time (because… conditioning, maybe?) all Doncic did was dump a 27–12–10 shooting 54% on his 22 FGA (no treys for him on the day) while BUILDING A WALL tall enough that NOT EVEN JA couldn’t jump over. Cold world, Mo.
The passes were more PRECISE than knives on butter. The scoring was EFFICIENT like Doncic binges. And the Mavs handed Memphis an L for the first time since Christmas’ Eve. SINCE XMAS EVE, folks. Everything points toward a lower-half seed for the Mavs if things don’t get ÜBER-UGLY for the Griz. The first team that pops up when thinking of that no. 4 seed? Memphis, that is. Bring the postseason already, Mr. Silver. We needed seven of these tasty JA vs. DON matchups.
- Steph reads HeadFake and he also hates HeadFake, we have to assume. Positive regression for him on a 47% shooting night in which he was good for four triples and a total of 19 points in destroying the Bulls on a Warriors COLLECTIVE EFFORT. It happens when Old-Ass Iggy is out there doing this sort of thing.
- I could have put Dejounte in the lead one more time in three days, but I just had to pass on the chance to feature Doughy Doncic. That said, what about Murray’s 30–14–8 against the out-of-left-field Cavs on a random night in which he also hit 61% of his 23 hoisted attempts? Jesus Christ, give him the MIP Award already.
- Not to be overlooked: Garland and his packed-full-of-goodies 32–4–8–1–1 with a PERFECTO 6-for-6 from the charity stripe. Virtuoso Darius did it with Jarett getting a TUFF 17–16 dub-dub, but not much more help from the rest of the Cavalry.
- Domantas is still searching for himself. Maybe when he does he finds out he’s OUT OF INDIANA. If you know what I’m saying….
- Ayo, haters! What about Marvin Bagley III handling the Rocks all by himself? EAT CROW, DON’T CHOKE. Shout out MB3 for his fantastic 26–13. And the Kangz will still trade him away to relaunch ANOTHER rebuild… Smh.
- Zacharias LV leaving early as we wait for that MRI return hoping it’s a NO-NO.
- Kudos to Jayson TEEN KING Tatum as he was the only man dragging Boston enough so the Celtics couldn’t reach triple-digit points. Excellent effort by the youngster, who turned the ball over seven times in 32 minutes in a clear attempt to tank the C’s campaign. Makes sense, with Boston sitting 11th in the East and the Knicks as its main competition to make the play-in. Lord have mercy.
- Call France. Tell them to put you in touch with the Louvre management. Ask them to buy a small 5-inch screen. Calm them down when they come back to you confused. Show them the clip. No need to make them understand a thing after that. Build a stand. Place the lil screen on top of it. Loop the video ad-infinitum. Charge a dollar for admission. GET RICH OR DIE TRYING.
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