Contemporary men are often cast as dysfunctional, lazy, and narrow. The echo machine provokes us into thinking that Ray Rice brutality is the rule rather than the exception. I don’t believe it.

Ray Rice is an abuser. His now-wife deserves better. Other than the abuse, the appalling thing about Ray Rice’s behavior is that he believes that we as a society still accept that type of behavior. It harkens back to a period when men would use force to impose their will on women (and other men); we have moved beyond that brutality, even if all men and some institutions haven’t obliged.

Modern men reject Ray Rice. In fact, we reject Ray Rice, the NFL’s deception and ambivalence, and those who slow-walk progress. But it’s not enough to define ourselves by what we’re against; we must determine what we stand for.

At our best, men are expansive beings. We are thoughtful, measured, and inclusive. We believe in truth, justice, and merit. We take on difficult tasks because they are difficult. We treat our women — our wives, mothers, daughters — as the stars in our collective eye. We understand that, without strong women, our society will devolve into fantasy football, pig roasts, and day-long Nintendo marathons. It would be anarchy.

We are writers — those Irish masters of the painful word — and astronauts, explorers and inventors.

We face unprecedented social disruption — no longer the establishment Kings, we must recalibrate our behavior— but will triumph with grace and style. There’s a time-tested thread to our humanity; the world is better when we’re strong.

So Man-Up. But not in the in-your-face way. That’s not being a man; that’s being a Neanderthal. Man-Up by being well-rounded; confident in yourself; respectful of yourself and others; and strong because your family and community needs you.

Go start a business. Go build something. Go learn, deliberate, test yourself. Put down the pain; be a source of optimism. Don’t be your father; be better than your father. He will love it and love you.

Let’s commit to no longer being defined by our weakest link, our worst moments. Let’s define ourselves by our common purpose — the purpose of empowering ourselves and others. When we do that, we will be better husbands, fathers, sons, and men.

Originally published at brendanhartdotcom.wordpress.com on September 20, 2014.