Making The Most Of Your Twenties: The Downfalls Of Watching Someone Else’s Highlight Reel Instead of Making Your Own
“Comparison is the thief of Joy” — Teddy Roosevelt
In our most connected time in history, we have more access than ever to photos, videos, blogs, and gifs of the greatest aspects of everyone else’s lives. Your one friend is going out to eat some delicious food at a ritzy restaurant, your other friend is traveling the world and seeing gorgeous beaches and jungles, and your last few friends? They’re getting married, buying houses, and having kids. And you? You might not be doing those things.
Envy, feeling “behind”, and FOMO are feelings that have long consumed the minds of people, but only since the explosion of social media has it been so prevalent and noticeable. While your 20’s are unquestionably the time of greatest uncertainty for your life’s trajectory, they are also the most publicized. 18 to 29 year-olds by every metric use more social media than any other demographic. And the same satisfaction that we glean from a ‘like’ on Instagram or Facebook (it’s science, look at it here: business insider) comes to take the place of actual experience. We jest with one another that “if you didn’t post about it, did it really happen?”, but it’s true, people actually will do ridiculous things for social media attention. Because that’s what people see you do, and everyone wants to be seen.
But behind every post that has a lavish vacation, gratuitous meal, or expensive drink, there are down days, boring times, and experiences being had that you’re not seeing. And I say this as we live in the wake of the infamous Fyre Festival, where millennials easily spent $5K, $10K, and in some instances, $20K or more, for a weekend-long experience off of pure marketing. People spent this kind of money on an idea, without any actual substance, and traveled to a remote island while their correspondence to the Fyre Fest team was blocked. And they did this all in the name of FOMO and “influencers” whom have so much impact on our lives.
The very ontology of a social media influencer is the best example of FOMO. Millions and millions of likes, views, and shares of content of what life should be, in some ways, allow us to live vicariously through influencers. If we look at these posts long enough, it’s almost as if the experiences of the influencers becomes our own experiences. With the amount of time we spend watching people whom we don’t even know that are better looking, wealthier, and having more fun than us, we forget to spend that time trying to look better, accumulate wealth, and having more fun, ourselves. It’s easier that way, just like it’s easier to buy expensive gym clothes and workout equipment than it actually is to work out. And it’s sure as hell easier to like a photo of Ibiza than it is to buy a plane ticket.
In her book, The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now, Dr. Meg Jay includes excerpts of her therapy sessions with her clientele. In one excerpt, she speaks with someone in their early twenties whom remarks that they feel “behind” in their network of friends. Behind in life, that is. When asked why, the patient remarks that she sees her friends going on vacations in Paris and she’s “stuck at home”. When Dr. Jay asks if the patient if she’s ever wanted to go to Paris, she responds “No.” And while it sounds silly, it’s not so uncommon in today’s day and age, being envious of others advancing in life just for the sake of advancing is a real thing. And the time we spend thinking about that, we forget advancing toward what makes us happy.
The thing is that you rarely see the actual hard work posts. There’s no vanity when you commute to work, stay late, and grind. There’s no vanity when you’re studying for a big exam, making cold calls, or working construction and production. There’s no vanity when you do it every single day. When you’re putting the real work toward what you want to do, you’re supposed to keep your head down, because you’re busy grinding. When you’re heads up and you’re looking around, you get distracted, lose focus, and you’re not going anywhere. And if you do that long enough, you’re going to continue to get passed by.
