Taking An L The Right Way: How To Be The Right Kind Of Loser
I’m writing to you in a weakened state. After four long years of my recreational ping pong career, I’ve been shut out, 11–0, by my arch rival. 11–0! Can you believe that? I didn’t score a single point. I tied for, statistically, the worst ping pong game in world history. And while ping pong is an ostensibly trivial thing (to you), no one likes losing. Even non-competitive people don’t like losing. They say it’s okay, but it’s the worst thing ever even if you say it’s not. “I know I lost, but at least I had fun.” You’ve got to be kidding me. Those people are liars. They hate losing, but they have a cognitive dissonance about it. The non-competitive, nonchalance of these people is a defense mechanism. If they say they don’t care about losing or if it doesn’t matter to them as long as they have fun, then they don’t have to feel as guilty when they do lose. And that’s okay for them — they can live life as a lie because losing sucks for everyone.
And potentially more important than my ping pong loss is that we’re approaching the last three games of the NCAA March Madness tournament. Arguably the greatest sporting event of every year, 64 of college basketball’s best teams battle it out in a single-elimination tournament for the national championship. It is the culmination not only of the season, but for many players, their basketball careers. For some, it’s even their last competitive game in general. Yet every year, there are 63 losers and disappointments. For the NCAA tournament, do you think any of the coaches upon elimination of their team tell their players whom left their hearts and souls on the court, “Geez guys, that was a riot. Ton of fun, we’ll get them next time around?” Nonsense. There are no words for that.
Of course, losing in life, whether it’s something as big as a job or a sale or something as minor as a blemish on your ping pong career, it isn’t easy. But it is inevitable. That’s right. You will lose something, at some point, in life. Michael Jordan, Tom Brady, Wayne Gretzky, the GOATs in their respective fields, they all have lost games and championships before. They’re not undefeated. They’ve dropped the ball, have made mistakes, and have gotten bested, fair and square, at different points in time. That said, there are right and wrong ways to lose, so I’ve provided some tips below on best practices for taking an L in life. Check them out, get ready for your next loss, and remember to have some fun while you’re at it!
1: Take Some Ownership
Whether it’s the refs, your inept coworkers, or some act of God, you, more likely than not, are going to be the reason you failed at something. Take a sense of ownership of that, it’ll be the first step in coming back from it and resuming your winning. When you think about losing, did you really do everything you could’ve done to prevent that? Is there anything you could’ve done better? Be accountable, because you never hear of the instances where people blame others for their wins.
2: Be Positive
You’re going to have to stay positive! While you need to improve from your losses, you’ll never fully erase them from existence. Because of that, you have to stay focused on bouncing back and making the most of the loss. Getting down on yourself will not move you forward. Use that energy from the loss not on negativity, but on moving forward.
3: Get Better
Often times we write off losses in life as “I did my best”, but I think we’re too quick to say that from time to time. Back to the idea of cognitive dissonance, humans by nature don’t really like self-improvement. We’re programmed to be lazy. And when we say, “I did my best,” you distance yourself from the loss, externalize it, and don’t really work to improve yourself. You have to find your new “best” and move the goalposts forward.
Truth be told, we’re all losers depending on the day. But that’s okay, we can be winners if we continue to challenge ourselves and just apply some of the tips above. Happy losing, everyone!
