Raise Your Children Worthy
So they don’t settle for misery
My poor mother was raised with a lacking mindset. She now suffers from BPD. Not that these two things have a direct causation relationship, but the correlation is strong.
If I need to give a personal example of Maslow’s pyramid, this story would be it.
Mother married Dad, mostly driven by her fear of financial insecurity. Grandma is one of the good examples of a toxic mother, educating her daughter, from a young age, how much a liability she is, and that she needs to find a man with a good job and preferably from a big family. “Big family provides more security.” So the belief goes.
According to Mother, the love had stopped way earlier before they got married. On and off, they dated for 5 years, out of familiarity as would be described by today’s relationship psychology.
The marriage was horrible and traumatic from day 1.
I could have become Mother if I was raised with a lacking mindset. Thankfully my poor mother learned that she’s not entirely worthless. Her stepdad treated her better than her biological mother, so she raised me letting me know that I deserved more than financial security in a relationship.
Dad cared for me like how her stepdad cared for her, so I knew from a young age that financial security doesn’t need to be the reason for getting married.
I have my fair track record of toxic or unhealthy relationships, but thanks to my parents, I knew I didn’t need to settle for just money. I can choose to settle for both a decent life and emotional support. Not either or.
Thanks to my parents, I have the courage to stop this generational trauma of toxic relationships and consequently toxic family dynamics. Family trauma no more.
The moral of the story is hopefully clear by this point. If you decide to have children or already have, let them know they are worth more than just having financial security. They should take responsibility to create this security for themselves. They can ask for help, but not rely on anyone to provide it for them. This way, they can truly be free to pursue more beyond this basic need.
