Fawning With God
“The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.” (Proverbs 29:25)
This week in my healing journey with the Lord, I had the most wonderful experience…and want to share it with you.
Let me give you the backstory so you can grasp the importance of what happened to me this week. As a survivor of childhood trauma, I sometimes see old coping strategies from my childhood reappear in my adult interactions, especially in stressful situations.
After an unfortunate interaction with someone from work, I struggled with the dynamic of power differentials. In the workplace, power differentials refer to the unequal distribution of power and authority within an organization.
Power differentials can be very triggering for a trauma survivor because it reminds us of a time when we were powerless to stop whatever bad thing was happening to us.
As I worked through this by reviewing the scene in my mind, I noticed an old coping strategy that I used to use as a child…fawning…or what some people might call “ people-pleasing.” This is one of the four responses our Creator embedded into His design. The other three are fight, flight, and freeze.
I talked to the Lord about this in one of my therapy sessions with Him (highly recommended), otherwise referred to as a walk around the neighborhood in the early morning hours when no one thinks you are crazy for talking out loud.
I noticed that since I was a child, I’ve always felt like I had to work really hard to earn love, care, respect, and an identity when it came to anyone in authority. This habitual process has been consistent with every boss I’ve ever had in my career. I’ve always felt like I had to prove myself or work really hard to get my boss and peers to like me.
As often happens during these walks, the Holy Spirit reminds me of truth, and this session was no different. He reminded me that I work for God and that He is my Boss. He also reminded me that there was nothing I had to do or could do to earn His love or lose it because He already loved me. I could do nothing to earn His acceptance because I was already “accepted in the beloved.”
I said, “Lord, what would it feel like to truly believe that with all my being instead of having to always be busy trying to earn favor?” With my imagination, I allowed myself to go there, which was amazing.
I felt this immediate calm come over my whole body. The busyness of my “people-pleasing” soul ceased, and there was nothing but quiet, peace, and warm acceptance. It was like the still waters of a lake at sunset with no breeze.
It was so powerful and noticeable inside my soul that I stopped my walk, put my hand on my heart, took a deep breath, and thanked God for allowing me to experience that.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There is a definite power differential between God and me, as in He has ALL power, and I have “delegated” power (the power He gives me to do what He has called me to do), but God never abuses me with His power. He never forces His power down my throat and forces me to submit to it.
He embodies His power; it is who He is. He doesn’t have to put other people down to make Himself more powerful…He is powerful.
Often, when we experience abuse from those who were supposed to care for and shepherd us, it skews our perception of God and gets in the way of our relationship with Him. It is so important for our healing journey to untangle our perception of who God is from what we experienced from our earthly parents/caretakers.
We do this by going to His Word, the Bible, and reading about how He identifies Himself. The Bible is God’s revelation to us about who He is and what is important to Him. God’s Word, like God, is ALWAYS true and NEVER changes. It can bring stability to the soul.
I found it interesting that my whole body relaxed and pressed into that warm acceptance…it was like I was home. Realigning our beliefs with the truth of God’s love and acceptance has a powerful impact on our whole being.
I don’t want this experience to be temporary. I want to live in that reality every day for the rest of my life. I can now see that the people the Lord has put in authority “over me” only have delegated power…only as much as He has given them — and that the Big Boss loves, cares for, and accepts me.
Thank you for allowing me to share this wonderful experience with you. I wish you the same experience. May you fully know His love, care, and acceptance for you.
