Healing Hearts, Honoring Authority: A Survivor’s Spiritual Journey
“Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore, whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves.” Romans 13:1–2
This week, I started working with my therapist on a new theme in my healing journey: authority. I can almost see the cringe of those reading my last sentence, and I can totally relate.
The thought of submitting to authority has been a challenge for me for a long time…most of my life, actually. It is understandable to struggle in this area when you suffered horrific abuse under the authority that is supposed to protect you (your parent). To compound the complexity of the situation, I have an added layer since my father was also a police officer who represented “legal” authority, and he was a narcissist.
My unwillingness to “submit to authority” has been a big issue, particularly in the workplace. I also realize how often this has had negative consequences throughout my life. Just because it is understandable and makes sense that I would struggle in this area doesn’t excuse it.
When the Bible tells me that all authority comes from God and that when I resist authority, I am resisting God, then my actions and beliefs need to change to align with God’s Word. It’s not that I don’t intellectually know this truth; I do, but knowing and doing are often two different things.
The challenge of dealing with the effects of narcissism is that it is not event-driven. This did not happen “on occasion,” and then there were times when narcissism was not present. This dynamic was present all the time. Even after my father passed away when I was 19 years old, less than a year later, I married into another narcissistic relationship with my mother-in-law, who lived with us for 32 years.
I grew up with an authority figure who abused his power and did not have my best interests at heart. Is there any wonder that I struggle with submitting to authority? Not really.
When I raised this topic with my therapist this week as something I wanted to work on, I wasn’t sure how to even get started because my distrust of authority has been woven into the very fabric of my DNA. I later realized that starting begins with a willingness to change and surrender to the True Authority, God. Anything that gets in the way of my relationship with my Lord has to be put off.
I suspect part of this process will include meditating on who God is and how He uses His authority. There must come an unraveling of my experiences and beliefs about what true authority…delegated authority should be. I cannot visualize what this journey will look like for me because it feels a little bit like “whack-a-mole.”
I do think there is an opportunity to use the Workplace Trigger Tracker tool that I created to help bring awareness to when this resistance to authority has been triggered in the workplace. I am aware of the prevalence of this resistance throughout my career and life. It feels like I am standing in the middle of a rushing river and trying to hold back the water before it sends me over the waterfall. Somewhere upstream, I need to find the “cut-off” valve.
I know I am not the only trauma survivor who struggles in this area. I would love to hear about your struggles and victories in overcoming this obstacle in your healing journey.
Embrace Your Journey: Healing Your Relationship with Authority
As we’ve explored the complex relationship between trauma, authority, and healing, it’s clear that this journey is both challenging and crucial. Your experiences with authority may have shaped your worldview, but they don’t have to define your future. Here’s how you can take meaningful steps forward:
- Reflect on Your Authority Story: Take some time to journal about your experiences with authority figures. What patterns do you notice? How have these experiences influenced your current relationships and behaviors?
- Identify Triggers: Use tools like the Workplace Trigger Tracker to become more aware of situations that spark resistance to authority. Knowledge is the first step towards change.
- Explore Biblical Authority: If you’re comfortable, dive into scriptures that discuss God’s authority and how it differs from human authority. How might this perspective shift your understanding?
- Practice Small Acts of Trust: Challenge yourself to trust appropriate authority in small, safe ways. This could be following a new recipe exactly as written or fully embracing a work assignment.
- Seek Support: Consider joining a support group or continuing therapy to work through authority issues. Remember, you’re not alone in this struggle.
- Meditate on Healthy Authority: Spend time visualizing what healthy, trustworthy authority looks like. How would it feel to interact with such authority?
- Share Your Journey: If you’re comfortable, share part of your story in the comments. Your experiences could provide hope and insight for others on similar paths.
Take Action: Choose one item from the list above and commit to exploring it this week. Whether journaling about your experiences or finding a biblical passage on authority to meditate on, take that first step.
Join the Conversation: We all have unique experiences with authority, and sharing our stories can be powerful. In the comments, tell me:
- What’s one way your relationship with authority has impacted your life?
- Have you found any strategies helpful in healing your relationship with authority?
- If you could ask one question about healthy authority, what would it be?
Healing is a journey, not a destination. By engaging with these difficult topics, you’re already taking brave steps forward. Your story matters, and your healing journey can inspire others. Let’s support each other as we navigate this challenging but transformative path.
What will be your first step in reassessing your relationship with authority?
