Keeping Your Eyes on the Prize
“looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of [our] faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)
This week, for my spiritual act of worship, I want to share something that came up recently while meditating. It was such a powerful reframe that it helped me dig out of a deep emotional hole.
The Back Story
If you follow my writing, you know I have been on a health journey as part of my healing. For the past several months, I have been engaged in a Cellular Reset Accelerator Detox program under the supervision of Dr. Brian Anderson and health coach Yolanda Dietrich.
The goal of this program is to remove toxins from your body at a cellular level. It works to reduce inflammation at a cell level so it doesn’t interfere with receiving needed nutrients and eliminating waste.
Trauma is stored in the body and left untreated; it can cause autoimmune diseases, cancer, and a host of other maladies. I knew I had a lot of toxins in my body because they were causing blotches on my skin (which are not contagious) and inflammation in my joints. I felt very much like I did at the 9-month mark of every one of my pregnancies…I wanted this thing out of me.
This program requires you to follow the Autoimmune Protocol (AIP) diet, a strict eating plan that helps eliminate toxins in your body. You can find the AIP diet online. It is like the Whole 30 plan on steroids.
It also provides supplements to help your body bind and remove toxins from your system. In each of the four months, there is a different focus:
- “Phase 1: Cell Prime — Energy and Adrenals. Purpose: To boost adrenal performance and energy production and prepare the elimination pathways for the cellular detox process.
- Phase 2: Cell Balance — Body and Brain. Purpose: To support and begin to correct digestion and microbiome integrity while supporting and restoring normal methylation, cell membrane health, and gut/brain function. To further prepare the body for detox.
- Phase 3: Cell Detox Level 1 — Stress and Hormones. Purpose: To begin the detoxification process at the cellular level and prepare an environment that facilitates healing in areas of the body with more deeply embedded toxins.
- Phase 4: Cell Detox Level 2 — Mind and Memory. Purpose: To aid the body in clearing deeper bio-accumulated toxins in the brain that lead to most chronic symptoms.”
I was told that Phases 1–2 were to prepare the body for the detox that would take place in Phases 3–4. I was also told that Phase 3 would be difficult, as my body was beginning to eliminate the toxins that were in my body, but that was not the case for me. I felt FANTASTIC during Phase 3. I had great energy, my mind was clear, there was relatively no inflammation in my joints, and I was sleeping well. I felt better than I have in decades.
It was awesome, and I was flying high because I was told that Phase 4 was the best phase for brain clarity and energy, so I was expecting it to get even better than it was. I was looking forward to it. Just as Phase 3 did not follow what was expected, Phase 4 also did not follow what was expected.
As soon as I started taking the new supplements, my body started reacting negatively to them, and I experienced crippling pain in my joints from the inflammation. Working with my health coach, we pulled back on the introduction of the new supplements and introduced them one by one to see which one was causing the issue and to give my body time to adjust.
I just didn’t feel as great as I did in Phase 3, and I was disappointed.
The Spiritual Lesson
On top of the disappointment, I had some rather difficult brainspotting sessions, which were extremely painful. At the beginning of this blog, I told you that trauma is stored in our bodies, and for me, the trauma related to my father’s sexual abuse and narcissism is stored in two specific spots in my brain: above my left eyebrow and at the top of my head. Not only was it excruciatingly painful, but it was like the gift that kept giving because I had a constant headache for a week afterward.
After more than six years into my healing journey and having already processed the sexual trauma to the point of complete healing, I did not expect the intensity that I experienced during this brainspotting session. My therapist and I were both a little surprised by it. We just recently started processing the trauma related to my dad’s narcissism, and that is what came up in full force. It was like the brainspotting hit a gusher, and it came pouring out of me.
This is where I was this week. I had a brainspotting hangover, a constant headache that was making me sick to my stomach, and a ton of disappointment and discouragement.
At some point during this week, the Spirit made me aware that I was looking to others to “rescue” me instead of going to the Lord with it. This response is pretty normal for trauma survivors who were not rescued from the abuse they suffered as children.
So, at the end of this week, I followed the Spirit’s leading and took my disappointment and discouragement to the Lord in a very intense journaling session. I tried everything in my power to eliminate the disappointment and discouragement, but nothing I did worked, but this journaling session worked.
As I poured my heart out to the Lord on paper, the Lord helped me understand His perspective on the situation. It was like He removed the veil from my eyes so I could clearly see what was happening. Suddenly, it made sense that I was struggling with Phase 4, which focused on detoxing the brain and memory because that is where all my trauma is stored. He showed me that this is actually part of the process of elimination and that I am on the right path.
I’ve already been through a similar process with the sexual abuse part of my trauma, and I feel completely healed from it. I know the work it takes to get to the goal of being free from the trauma, and I am committed to the process…this is simply another step in the journey.
When I realized that this was to be expected for someone who holds the toxic effect of trauma in their brain, I felt my body start to relax, and miraculously, the headache went away. I was again focused on the goal of removing the toxic effects of trauma from my body and doing whatever it took to get there.
It is funny sometimes how the Lord provides you with a spiritual lesson when you are going through something. This week, one of the verses that came up during my meditation time was Hebrews 12:2.
“looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of [our] faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)
As I started breaking down this verse, it gave me the encouragement I needed to get through this challenging time. Let me share some things that stood out to me in this verse:
Looking unto Jesus → This has the connotation of fixed with rapt attention as our example.
The author and finisher of our faith → Jesus was the one who created our faith from nothing and completed it. As an aspiring writer, this one hit home with me.
Who for the joy that was set before Him → This part of the verse hit me hard. Jesus knew the journey He had to walk through to purchase our salvation, but He wasn’t focused on the excruciating pain of His crucifixion…He was focused on the joy of restoring us to Himself. Wow!!!
He endured the cross, despising the shame → That means He did what He had to do on the cross…He endured it, even though it was excruciatingly painful to provide salvation for mankind. The word “despising” here has the meaning of looking down on the external shame that unrighteous people heaped on Him…He disregarded it. That was nothing compared to the joy that was set before Him of restored fellowship.
And has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God → This signifies the completion of the assignment He was given to do.
I was also given an assignment…to work through this trauma so I can help others to also work through it. I can set my attention on Jesus as my example of how to face hard and painful things…I can focus on the joy that is set before me.
That is what I did this week, and the reframe made a tremendous difference in my life.
If you’ve been struggling with past trauma or facing challenges in your healing journey, I encourage you to:
- Take a moment to reflect on your own experiences. Are there areas where you might be seeking ‘rescue’ from others instead of turning to the Lord?
- Consider journaling about a current struggle, focusing on reframing it from a more positive or growth-oriented perspective.
- Share in the comments below: What spiritual lessons or insights have you gained from difficult experiences in your own life? Your story might inspire others on their healing path.
Healing is a journey. Be patient with yourself, and don’t hesitate to seek support when needed.
