Never Alone
A Spiritual Lesson on the Presence of God
As I contemplated what I should write about for my spiritual blog this week, a song came up on my Amazon Music playlist that I needed to hear, and the words really spoke to me. It was a song by Kari Jobe called “I Am Not Alone.” Listen to these words:
When I walk through deep waters, I know that You will be with me.
When I’m standing in the fire, I will not be overcome.
Through the valley of the shadow, I will not fear.
Chorus:
I am not alone; I am not alone.
You will go before me. You will never leave me.
I am not alone; I am not alone.
You will go before me. You will never leave me.
In the midst of deep sorrow, I see your light is breaking through.
The dark of night will not overtake me, I am pressing into You.
Lord, You fight my every battle, and I will not fear.
Chorus
You amaze me, redeem me, You call me as Your own.
You amaze me, redeem me, You call me as Your own.
You amaze me, redeem me, You call me as Your own.
You’re my strength, You’re my Defender. You’re my refuge in the storm.
Through these trials, You’ve always been faithful.
You bring healing to my soul.
Chorus
The lyrics remind me of Biblical truth, which is so powerful and effective for lifting up sagging souls. If you don’t have an “Encouragement” playlist, I highly recommend creating one yourself. The content will be different for everyone, but you know where you struggle during times of discouragement. Pick the songs that remind you of Truth.
Why this song is on my encouragement playlist
For much of my life, I’ve felt alone in my pain and struggle. Shame, guilt, and fear held me captive and isolated me from connection and comfort.
I carried shameful secrets for a long time. I kept people out because I did not want them to see the ugliness inside of me. I kept to myself. I was a loner. I was friendly but didn’t let people get too close. I was fond of saying that my relationships were a mile wide and an inch deep. In my immature mind, I thought I could keep God from seeing the blackness of my soul…I couldn’t.
When you are in self-protection mode, you develop armor to keep all the bad things out, but I didn’t understand that it also kept all the good things out. I was lonely, and I felt alone.
No one really knew who I was. Heck, I didn’t know who I was. I pretended to be what everyone else thought I should be. I lived a lie. I was a fake and a fraud.
When I started trauma therapy at the age of 52, I realized, for the first time, that I was the one that put the armor on, AND I had the power to take it off. One of the first changes I made in therapy was deciding not to live full-time in my armor. As a side note, there are still times when I intentionally employ the use of my armor, but I no longer live in it.
I realized how much authenticity meant to me and how I wanted to show up (and be accepted) as I genuinely was…flaws and all. The process of shedding the armor was excruciating and intense. I felt naked and exposed. I felt like I was wearing my skin inside out, where all my nerves were exposed.
I couldn’t just come out of the armor before the whole world because it was more than my nervous system could handle. I started with my therapist, who accepted me unconditionally and reflected the unconditional acceptance of the Lord to me.
When your heart feels black and ugly inside, looking into the “face” of a holy, pure God is terrifying. It took a long time and a lot of courage before I could welcome God into my struggle and pain.
I was expecting judgment and disappointment, but instead, I received unconditional love, tenderness, mercy, and comfort. When you know you don’t deserve what you really need, and someone gives it to you for free, it creates a well-spring of gratitude springing up from the depths of your soul.
As I started to process the painful memories of my childhood through EMDR with my therapist, the Lord started showing me His presence in my memories. He showed me how He was with me the whole time…every time.
I wasn’t going through this alone. He’s always been with me…I just was not aware of Him at the time. It is amazing just how comforting the knowledge of His presence has been to me. There is a reason Scripture tells us not to be afraid…because He is with us. His very presence brings comfort.
There are still times when I slip back into thinking I am alone, and that’s why songs like this one are on my playlist. When I am triggered into that old thinking, and my brain is offline, music, infused with truth, penetrates my frontal cortex and brings my brain back online.
Can you relate?
What about you? Are there times when you feel alone in your struggle? Do you work hard at keeping people from seeing your struggle? Do you pretend to be “FINE” when you’re not? Do you ever feel lonely or disconnected?
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
It is a tremendous privilege to share what the Lord shared with me…you are NEVER alone. He is ALWAYS with you…ALWAYS. If this has been a blessing to you, let me know in the comments.
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