Healing from Your Childhood is the Only Way to be Emotionally Free

“Many abused children cling to the hope that growing up will bring escape and freedom. But the personality formed in the environment of coercive control is not well adapted to adult life. The survivor is left with fundamental problems in basic trust, autonomy, and initiative. She approaches the task of early adulthood――establishing independence and intimacy――burdened by major impairments in self-care, in cognition and in memory, in identity, and in the capacity to form stable relationships. She is still a prisoner of her childhood; attempting to create a new life, she re-encounters the trauma.” Judith Lewis Herman

From This is What Happens When You Believe You’re Broken:

“We often think of addiction as a physical ailment or failing of sorts, where a person snorts or injects something, feels a sense of euphoria, and then uses it until it is no longer exciting but necessary. But there is no such thing as addiction without the mindset of the addicted person. When it comes to the unhealthy relationship of addiction, it’s not only the physical power of substances and experiences that capture people but the conditions within them that make them susceptible.

Growing up I had internalized the painful feelings and messages, not just about being sensitive, but also broken, as the bullies of life had taught me.

In my mind, I failed not because I had made mistakes, but because I was a failure. I got bullied not because these students were mean, but because I was a victim. My teachers didn’t like me not because they had issues with disassociating behavior from personality, but because I was bad.”

From Uncomfortable in crisis–Peace is the new normal:

“I feel like most of the time I am just waking up and seeing life for the first time. I am surprised every day how lost I have been in my own emotions and thinking to really see things clearly. This past year I have been able to see just how lost I have been in my own version of life.

I never had any specific goals early on I was just trying to survive. I thought life was just a series of crisis that you had to survive. Beginning in childhood with a fundamentalist upbringing where God was watching you 24/7 so you better not make a mistake to living with the affects of alcoholism in all of my relationships.

This past year I have been mostly alone with myself cleaning up some of the final issues of my thinking that has really kept me stuck. I have always wanted to feel safe and knowing it or not that is what I have been looking for in every relationship. The idea that their is a safe place is an illusion.”

From How to Heal From Your Childhood Trauma:

“First, ask yourself, why am I so upset? You might discover the answer near the surface, waiting to be acknowledged.

I’m upset with my daughter when she refuses to eat what I offer. I don’t want to force her to eat anything. But I’m afraid she’ll starve. I don’t want to waste food. I get mad at her. I want her to be healthy and well-fed. My anxiety and anger stems from fear.

It’s common for fear to linger behind anger. Once we know the root of our fear, we can make a conscious choice to let go. Release to your higher power or the Universe. It’s ok if you don’t have a higher power. Just give it away to something else that isn’t you. Release it, one day at a time.

You’ll probably have a lot of big feelings arise. Allow them to flow out of you while in a safe space. Journal, talk to a trusted friend, scream into pillows, do vigorous exercise, and cry all you need. I shed a lot of tears for these last few days. Writing this story is also a part of my healing process.”