Your Core Issues Undermine Your Life Until You Let Go of the Defenses You Developed as a Child
“You cannot make a long-term change in behaviors without addressing the beliefs that underlie them… Most humans try to change things by focusing on behaviors. They keep thinking they can make things better by doing something. So, everyone is running around trying to figure out what they can do. The focus is on doing something, rather than on believing something. But radical forces within your societies have always sought to change things by using the power of thought, not action, for they know that thought produces action. Get a person thinking a certain way and you can get a person to act a certain way. It is not easily done the other way around. Neale Donald Walsch
Our core issues in recovery for those of us who lived in a family of “don’t ask–don’t tell” include the following:
From Want to Know.Info: “Transform Fear Through Core Issue Work”:
“Most of us have one or more core issues or challenges which surface repeatedly over the course of our lives. These issues are usually rooted in deep unexpressed fears. Depending on your perspective, core issues either cause all sorts of problems, or present many opportunities for transformation. When you choose to look at core issues as an opportunity, you are much more likely to transform your fears into learning tools which lead to a better life. Below are the most common core issues, their related fears, and suggestions for dealing with them.”
“Examples of Common Core Issues and Associated Fears”
- Abandonment — Nobody cares about me. I’m all alone. I don’t matter.
- Arrogance — I’m better than all of you. I’m too much. I’m right and you’re wrong.
- Damaged — Something is wrong with me. I’m a failure. I’m damaged.
- Inferiority — I’m not good enough. I’m stupid. I’m worthless. I’m boring. I’m hopeless.
- Rejection — I’m a burden. I’m unwanted. Nobody wants to spend time with me.
- Shame — I’m bad. I’m evil. I’m a mistake. I’m a monster. I’m disgusting. I’m possessed.
“Our core issues often originate from childhood family scenarios. They can be a result of negative messages that were repeated many times to us by our parents or other significant people in our lives. Or one of these beliefs may have been driven deep into us during one or more traumatic experiences. Was one of the above statements drilled into you in your early years?”
Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is the basic therapy used to help us learn about our mental self-sabotaging habits. Our core issues or beliefs are started in childhood in defense of a bewildering world. But we are adults now. We have years of experience at combating life’s trials. We need to give up these core issues in order to love ourselves and others better. It is wasted energy holding onto these childish beliefs.
Spend time examining each core issue to determine its hold over you. My main core belief was abandonment. This was a natural response on my part of growing up in a home controlled by alcoholism. Trust was absent from all of our dealings with each other. We wanted to trust but knew we would be betrayed.
