I Suffered From Low Self-Esteem in My Teenage Years
How facial birthmark forced me to avoid boys and social functions
I was born with a prominent very dark birthmark across a third of the right side of my face. It was the size of a small disc. I wasn’t particularly worried about it initially, as I believed everyone would understand like members of my family.
However, the first initial reaction came as a shock when at age seven. I overheard a classmate in my primary school who described me as “That girl with a burnt face’. And the other boy she was talking to, responded, “Oh, you mean, Lanu? Lanu is her name. Yes, its a pity really, I understand that she was born like that.”
For the first time, I realised that I was different from the rest of my mates and it gave me tremendous sadness. I was cast down throughout the class, and could not wait to get home that day. At home, I asked my granny (I was brought up by my grandparents), how come I was the only one in my class that had a burnt face?
“For heaven’s sake, it's not a burnt face, its a birthmark,” my grandma said. I responded,
“Well, I don’t want a birthmark that makes me different from the others. I want to be like the rest of everyone in my school.”
My grandma understood immediately and asked what happened at school. I narrated how I overheard a classmate called me “A girl with a burnt face”. She told me to hold my head high, and that birthmarks are common, and it is just that my own is in a prominent place for everyone to notice.
I know she wanted to encourage me, but the deed was done. I had lost it and I already gave in to pity and low self-esteem, at such a young age.
I Started to be Self-Conscious and Bashful
I must confess that my life was not the same since that faithful day. I would start the day with endless looking at myself in the mirror, looking for ways to cover my birthmark, and imagining all sorts of foundation cover to perfect my face.
I started asking all sorts of questions from whoever is able to give me information about how to get rid of it. All that matters to me from the age of seven was to have the birthmark removed. I wanted to be like the rest of the girls.
A week after the incident, I feigned illness so that my grandma would take me to see my doctor. All I wanted to ask for help to remove my facial embarrassment that was disfiguring my beauty. I asked my grandma if I could attend my doctor’s appointment alone, but she didn’t allow it and insisted she went with me.
You see, my grandma was a retired Social Worker at that time, she was aware of the implication of allowing an eight years old kid attend the doctor’s appointment by herself.
I Learnt That Beauty Is Skin Deep
I was finally able to ask my doctor about removing my birthmark. The doctor informed me that this would not be possible under the NHS because of my age, but he would still refer me to see a specialist on it. So I was referred to see a dermatologist.
The dermatologist did some tests and informed me that the birthmark is only skin deep, and the procedure would be simple. However, I will still have to wait for the procedure upon reaching my consent age of eighteen years.
Waiting for the removal of the birthmark at the consent age of eighteen years seemed like an eternity to me. So I basically lived my life in recluse till that age.
I Suffered For Ten Years Avoiding Boys and Social Functions
Fast forward, I basically live my life without social function, staying mostly at home, other than attending essential classes for the rest of the primary school and secondary school.
Luckily, I attended the girls-only secondary school, so I was a bit accepted and treated the same. But the social media-fuelled skin envy did not leave me. All my life during secondary school, I was basically spending all my money on different kinds of foundation to get my birthmark fully covered. Mere going out to the stores will see me apply about ten different coats before I could get a face I am comfortable with.
I avoided men like a plague. I had no confidence to go on a date. What if he knows I have applied liquid coverings and discovered my birthmark, will he leave? No, I am just going to be disappointed in a relationship. “
“No man will want someone with a visible face birthmark,” I usually said to myself. I would simply wait for my cosmetic surgery before I start dating.
I started a part-time job as soon as I turned sixteen. I needed to be able to afford money for my surgery. If I have a bit of a regular income, I will be able to get a loan towards it. Indeed my whole life was at a standstill until the day I was FINALLY able to do my surgery to remove my birthmark.
What Did I Learn From It All?
Now that I am much older, and looking back, I can see how I allowed my life to be at a standstill instead of enjoying my youth and having the greatest fun. I learnt along the way that there is no perfect skin or a perfect person. It is true what my grandma told me. Everyone has their imperfection, it’s just that some are better concealed.
The Social Media and Celebrities (The Kardashians/Jenner clan for example) are showing us images of radiant skin and perfect complexion.
Who knows? It could be a lie. I encourage us all to have confidence or try to build it up, even at an early age. It is the confidence that you need to navigate your life. The world is anyone’s oysters, it needs not to be on a standstill, even with a visible birthmark.
