How a little blue pill has changed my life

No, not that little blue pill.

About three months ago, I had my regular annual OB-GYN visit, and I mustered up the courage to talk to her about some things that had been bothering me.

I was constantly plagued by a lack of energy, and my introversion seemed to have taken a turn toward the extreme. For a while, I’d chalked it up to failure to adjust to being in an open-office environment at work, but it seemed to be getting worse and worse.

When friends would ask me to do things or change plans at the last minute, I couldn’t cope. I often found excuses to just stay home, to avoid being around big crowds. I found myself on the verge of a panic attack when we visited a large local church and when we had an all-hands team meeting at my office.

One of the worst days was when I’d volunteered to be part of a committee with the church Bobby and I have gotten involved with here in Birmingham. We had been talking about meeting times, and our pastor texted around 11 a.m. and asked if I could meet that night. It ruined my whole day. I felt shaky and panicky, as if something terrible was about to happen.

It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I couldn’t breathe. Something was not right.

I’d also noticed for well over a year that my PMS symptoms leading up to my period were off the charts. I wasn’t just cranky; I was pissed. I was run-away-from-home-and-leave-it-all-behind outraged for a full week out of every month.

So I swallowed the lump in my throat and told my OB. She didn’t tell me I was imagining it or that it was normal. She listened to my concerns, wrote a prescription and referred me to a general physician who would become my primary-care doctor.

That was in August. I visited my primary-care doctor a few weeks later, and we upped my dosage of Zoloft and added Vitamin D to the mix.

It hit me last week that everything has changed for the better.

Two weeks ago, on election night, I joined a group of friends to watch results come in while Bobby stayed home with the kids. Last week, I went to a meeting for a professional organization I’m interested in, where I only knew one person. Tonight, I’m headed to hang out with some girlfriends.

And I can breathe.

I’m not sitting on life’s sidelines any more. It sounds trite, but it is so true. I have energy again. I feel engaged in life again.

Depression and anxiety are not a joking matter. They’re real, and they’re hard on people. They’re much harder on some people than they’ve been on me. If that’s where you are, know that you aren’t alone, and you can ask for help.