The Letter of Insanity
To whom it may concern,
I wish this letter of mine finds the astounding descendant of ape who is so full of himself that he ceases to feel, even the deepest of the wounds, ah, the unmistakable irony, the thoughts and urges of a man to scratch his wound, how much a man is in love with his miseries and sufferings that this meaningless life thrusts upon him like a vengeful spirit of a Viking, seeking to inflict pains and horrors upon him that will put the devil himself to shame. Millions of years, man has tried, tried again, but failed miserably in his conquest of bringing people closer to one another so that there would not be any troubles, life would be ideal and purposeful like a firefly in love with the flash of light. Here I am, in the most absurd, ludicrous of the places hoping to find the black cat, blindfolded in the darkest of the rooms. They say hope is the most important of the driving forces of life, but what good is hope when you see darkness all around you and there is not an end to it?
I feel exhausted, as if sinking in the deepest of oceans, the abysmal, cavernous, perpetual thoughts of madness, rebellion, revolt and darkness, unbearable bouts of pain that emerge in the core of my mind, in a manner so daunting that the childhood dreams, the evanescent obsessions of little things in life stop making sense. The taste of love is bitter, the ephemeral delight of meeting a true friend is worthless. Here patients arrive on a daily basis, drooling, some of them crying. It’s hard to see their tears. For I understand their feelings and empathize with them. I cannot get over the horrors that they have faced in their lives and everything that they have gone through clings to me like sebum on a blemished face.
Every man thinks he is the centre of the universe, that the whole world, no matter how engaged, revolves around him. Day in, day out, he thinks a lot about the matters that are beyond his grasp. How many times in life, oh babbling beings of the planet, I have tried to make an impact on the minds of those who I cared for and loved more than myself, I dreamt of building a perfect castle comprised of my successful ambitions i.e seeing people happy, smiling with one another, not dwelling amongst the memories of the past that malign the character of the beautiful present, no matter how much I tried, the dark thoughts of loneliness, meaninglessness and pessimism roared back like a tamed lion who comes back to remind his owner of the past errors and the countless times he ignored him no matter how wonderfully he took care of that beast, nurtured, fed and taught him every goddamn thing, making my imaginary castle fall like a house of cards.
This is a fake world, colorless with a continual lack of empathy lingering in the thoughts of it’s inhabitants. So many people, I cannot count, had such brilliant minds born in the wrong era and in the wrong place, instead of being understood and recognized, were brutally murdered by us, we end up lamenting their losses as if they were our own and miss them, worship them as if they were GOD. They were sent to the worst of asylums, left alone, misunderstood, abandoned like litter. I have witnessed the moonshine conspiracies against the light and the rabid, diseased dogs, whose ideas penetrate the illiterate minds, corrupt the norms of society, their virus-laden saliva infiltrating via opening of the wounds making them clogged with pus of the worrying thoughts, paralyzing effects as a result of the aftermath that worsen the stress and hinder recovery of the plagiarized minds.
How can we live? What’s the point of leading this life when hunger and poverty stricken souls are the core of our society? We ignore their issues, we are making consistent progress in the fields of SCIENCE and TECHNOLOGY, more interested in eradicating the intellect and conscience of a man, rather than addressing the violent thoughts, for these violent delights have violent ends, the world is becoming more like a predictable android video-game, in which every one is on his own, trying to figure out why he is in that particular game and the game is all about SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST AND THE RICHEST.
I am amazed and shocked at the world, why are we all so pre-occupied by the thoughts of money? Money and power blind us. Guns and bullets excite our feelings. Those who are in power, they have lost the track, we are drifting away from the real issues. People want to believe that they are immune, or didn’t have any significant things happen to them as children. But, this isn’t true. I cannot seem to forget, the countless nightmares that elaborate the horrors of my past, putting them cognitive dissonant thoughts in front of my eyes, they follow me like a shadow, wherever I go. I had a friend, Samuel, oh how well I still recall his last meeting with me, couple of months ago, when he told me about his weird dreams a week before he was lobotomized at the mere age of 24, he died during the procedure, after what the stars stopped shining and the moon lost it’s glow. He used to have delusions that shook me to the core because of the sole reason of their strange correspondence to my thoughts and dreams.
The same people who used to be the apple of my eye, are now merely a reflection of the past. How quickly do we abandon people when they longer go with the flow. IGNORANCE IS BLISS, indeed. The less you know, the better. The more light that enters your way leads to unending alleys of dark thoughts. It is not a problem for me, shall I make it known to ALL OF YOU, acting in a normal way, leading a normal robotic life, denying the wrongdoings of the society, the oppressions, human rights violations, murders, sexual predators lavishing upon innocents, differences in our customs, values, traditions, culture, language, color, caste, religious inclinations and other useless confectionaries of this evil and rotten system that eat my soul alive.
All my life, I have been cheated to, lied to, sexually assaulted twice at the age of 5 and 7. I have severe bipolar disorder, schizophrenia with co-morbid anxiety, obsessive thoughts, delusions, psychosis and what not. Do we really not care about the disastrous circumstances that follow our crimes on our fellow human beings? Why cannot I stop thinking about it? To put it into words is too hard. And yet I cannot stop thinking about it. It feels like something has crawled into my head and curled up inside my skull, perturbing the coils of my brain. The darkness is all around me. It feels like someone has put a bullet into my abdomen with blood oozing out of me constantly. I am bleeding. Everyone is just witnessing me losing all of my blood, all my conscience, my intellect, my emotions, everything is losing control. Nah, I will not let them consider this mental illness as a JOKE anymore. My thoughts have become a complete mess.
I cannot withstand this hypocrisy anymore, I cannot bear the thought that I can predict the exact manner of the unwanted things lying ahead, waiting for me across this dark ocean. I let my obsessions destroy me, for I cannot see more and more sufferings of my like minded people. I will kill myself in such a manner that it doesn’t end up catastrophically without the transmission of the message which I have set out to give all of you through this letter. Oh mad people, you are not forgotten by me, I remember all of you, let’s rise above everything and change the perception of this world once and for all. Let it be known that we are not MAD and INSANE as their meaningless labels. We are a result of the absurd experiments of this stupid creature called MAN, who has failed to realize the true essence of life, is so absorbed in his absurdities that life for us has become pointless.
I forgot to tell YOU all, ladies and gentlemen, that I played with the professionals as they played us all our lives, I promised them to be a compliant patient and agreed to be lobotomized on the condition that I be allowed to have the privilege of paying homage to the Almighty! I outplayed them all smartly, Sam. As I promised you that day we talked to one another about the dying elephants, how ruthlessly they all screamed out of pain and agony when all the animals watched them go silently and no one batted an eye. I told you I would do it when the right time comes.
It is time I guess. Your message, Samuel, has been passed on to me. You were not insane, you didn’t deserve it, I will lay my life here, murder myself at this HOLY place to let everyone know that mental illness is not an issue that should be taken lightly, I will not let MAD people get humiliated while being at their worst already. The world will know the cause of my death, they will lament my loss after I have gone from this INSANE ASYLUM of a world posing to be a home for us. How long will they keep on neglecting our issues? Not long before they realize it, my death will shock them, it will put an end to our miseries, we will be treated and dealt with in a respected manner.
I lay my life on the line, for all those, who are suffering from any kind of pain that this life has inflicted upon them, I AM WITH YOU ALL. Yes. The REVOLUTION begins.
Happiness is finding your glasses, Samuel said, before forgetting why we need them!
