4 Boxes Your Soulmate Should Tick
Love is what you do even if you don’t want to.
How does one determine if their partner does possess the means to maintain a relationship for life?
After many failed short relationships and one successful long relationship, I had to ask myself what was so different this time? And so, after much thought on this topic, I concluded four qualities that have created a strong partnership this time around.
№1 Love Is What You Do Even If You Don’t Want To
Committing to a relationship requires learning to be less selfish, putting the needs of the other before your own. Long-term relationships are spent conditioning yourself to help the other person; of course, nobody wants to take on time-consuming duties which don’t affect them. And yet, love motivates us to do as such.
However, there is no I in ‘team’! In the beginning, they may contribute to your life by watering your plants while you’re on a work trip. Further down the line, their contributions escalate in importance by helping you care for your elderly parents. Therefore, recognizing if reliance can grow with this person should ultimately determine whether a future is possible.
My first trimester was stressful; this was a pregnancy that was indeed a surprise. With no preparation and only being in a relationship for 8 months, I was definitely struck with fear, as was my boyfriend. His life went from easy-going to being at the beck and call of a girl now carrying his first child. Nevertheless, he made me a priority regardless of how stressful it made his day-to-day life. No other man has provided such a support system, a team dynamic that made a sustainable family.
№2 Actions Define Everything
In the past, I remember the ridiculous amount of debates, which began with yes indeed myself, explaining why I needed to receive thoughtful gestures which proved their love for me. Of course, this was due to my frustration after receiving the typical “you mean the world to me” texts and the endless words of empty promises. I desperately wanted the evidence to prove that all the bull they were saying was true, spoiler…it was not.
I knew I needed someone to show me how they felt, yet I wasn’t mature enough to realize when someone did…because it wasn’t the outcome I wanted.
I remember the first time I knew I was in love with him. There was no grand gesture, just a simple act that dawned a realization that he has potential. It was 3 a.m., and I was sleeping over at his place. I began craving a Mcdonald’s apple pie; I was going through a faze at the time with this being my favorite treat! Immediately he suggested a trip and wanted to go purchase one for me. We hopped in his car and traveled to a Mcdonald’s 15 minutes away.
During our journey, there was little to no conversation, yet the atmosphere felt comfortable. On arrival at the drive-through, he looked at me and said, “If they have no apple pies here, then we will find another Mcdonald’s.”. Admittedly, this was not a moment I ever imagined would be the beginning of my fairy-tale. However, that little thought of care that urged him to waste his fuel and search for something of no importance only to satisfy me really did pull my heart strings.
My findings suggest actions such as these needn’t encouragement. When someone deeply cares about you, they recognize ways to show you how they feel and follow through on their own initiative.
№3 Encouraging The Others Self Success
A life you’ll look back on with regret, resentful of the person you’ve shared said life with, is one where your dreams were halted and then forgotten. The best kind of people is those who find enjoyment in seeing you achieve your goals. As for the people we date, they need not only to cheer when you triumph but to support you in the journey to get there.
Every person has unique ideas of success that they desire to achieve. To some, this is becoming a parent, yet for others, it may be having a serious career. Some also wish to travel to as many locations as possible during their life. On the flip side, their success may be with battling addictions or illness. Through all the roads we take to meet our goals, we face hurdles that can cease our motivation to continue.
Your forever person should be your source of encouragement to pick you up off the ground and be your reminder to keep chasing your dreams. The opportunities are shared when earnt from your hard work and their support; when you succeed, they succeed.
№4 Love Isn’t Conditioned By Your Appearance
The universal fear of someone becoming unattracted to us is instilled since the beginning of puberty, keeping our measuring tapes inside our bedside tables and countless amounts of face creams in arms reach in our bathrooms. Scrolling through social media, viewing all content relating to bouncing back after a baby, what chemical will keep you from aging, and what protein substance is all the rage, it’s no wonder we believe our worth to someone relies on our looks. Can a relationship withstand the constant pressure to appear our best till death due you part? Absolutely not. It is near impossible to live life without some unfortunate changes to one’s looks. When that day comes and your skin shows signs of wrinkles, our first thought should never question the stability of our relationship.
Nearing the end of my pregnancy, I could only be described as the human version of a hungry hippo. My boyfriend would return from work at my request with a banquet of KP steak flavored peanuts and chocolate chip muffins. I would answer the door and genuinely say, “oh, it’s the muffin-man!” with pure excitement. After my child’s birth, I noticed that I did not return to my pre-pregnancy weight. Shocker.
Furthermore, I began my weight loss journey, which saddened my boyfriend as I no longer made his favorite lasagne dinner. I would only have caved in my diet because my homemade lasagne is delicious. I look back through my weight loss, pregnancy, and before when we first started dating, and I have no memory of him ever making me feel less than beautiful. As the scales changed, his attraction remained consistent.
In a nutshell, no everlasting relationship survives when a toxic mindset dictates how you must look to maintain that romance.
