Dating/Relationships
Dive Bars and Bad Decisions
Nothing changes when nothing changes.
The scene was set. The vinyl floor was sticky, the beer was cheap, and karaoke echoed throughout the long, dimly lit bar. People came as they were — without pretense or pretentiousness. An unlikely band of misfits found common ground while sipping $1 draft beers, throwing darts, and trying their luck at the slot machines.
This was my first time at this particular dive bar. It had a great vibe — so I jumped right in. Chatted with the locals, sang some karaoke, and danced the night away. Then out of the darkened hallway, a manifestation from my past appeared.
He towered over me at well over 6 feet tall. His broad shoulders eclipsed my small frame. His square jaw was clenched in determination. It was like Thor and Buzz Lightyear had a baby and he somehow landed in an alien land that I now inhabited.
He was loud and brash. His voice boomed over all of the other customers in the bar demanding attention. He wasted no time in striding in my direction. With one hand confidently placed on my hip he asked me to dance. Physical boundaries didn’t exist in his world.
I looked at my girlfriend wondering, “What in the world did I get myself into?”
He was my polar opposite in every way.
He was huge. I am small.
He was loud. I am quiet.
He was in his 30s. I am … not.
He seeks adventure. I seek peace.
He was looking for a good time. I was looking for a girl’s night out.
I did not go out that night intending to meet anyone. I would say the opposite is true. But there he was — a figment from my past. Although I had never met him before, I had “met” him before. He was the culmination of many of the best and worst traits of boyfriends past. In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, I absolutely knew he was trouble the second he walked in.
He was attentive. He was protective. He was fun. But he wasn’t for me. I found his number in my phone the next day. He had programmed his name and number in — and called himself from it. Like I said, no boundaries. When I saw his name typed neatly in my contacts I realized something.
Nothing changes when nothing changes.
I could do what I always did. I could date the same type of person that I always had. But, if I didn’t like the results then why should I expect anything different now? I began to look at the night through a different lens. In some ways, I have the opportunity to relive my 20s — but with the wisdom of my 40s.
This is truly a gift. I have been given the wisdom that only lived experience can offer. I have been offered the opportunity to choose another path. It’s allowed me to think about what I truly want — and don’t want — from life. It’s given me the confidence to choose myself, over and over again.
Change is hard. But as I read earlier this week,
There is no growth in the comfort zone and there is no comfort in the growth zone.
As I navigate this new season in my life, it’s time to get uncomfortable — but maybe, just maybe, I should avoid the dive bars.
