How Do You Make Time For Sex While Raising Kids?
Are parents squeezing in quickies?
I’m not trying to play a sad violin tune for myself because I chose to have and raise children. Not at all. However, those of us who are raising children often seem to run into the burning question of — when are we ever going to have sex again?
Not only are we wondering when we’ll have sex next, but we’re also wondering when will we have the privacy to have the kind of loud, uninhibited sex we want to have, not the quiet ‘librarian sex’ we feel compelled to engage in either because the walls are thin or young, nosey ears are listening.
And let’s not even get started on the subject of parents being too exhausted for sex because it’s probably just a given for all of us.
Whether you have a partner whom you live with and parent with or you are married with children, having kids can be a real brick wall to physical intimacy. Our lives are filled up with commitments, responsibilities, and random moments of crisis that suck all the energy out of you.
The sheer mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion of keeping track of, managing, feeding, clothing, and basically trying not to kill our children is immense.
Living with your partner plus your children offers up little room for much alone time as a couple — at least from my experience. My partner and I often find ourselves quietly trying to connect late at night with sounds of the ocean turned up on YouTube to try and drown out our already shushed sex sounds.
As a parent and as a partner, I often wonder how others are doing it — as in actually doing it. I know there are date nights to be had here and there and perhaps some parents take those opportunities quite often — which is fabulous — but on the day to day level as parents, are our sexual needs as human beings meeting a ‘happy place’ or are most of us completely frazzled and sexually frustrated to the max?
Personally, I think a sexual release is what most parents truly need, which is deeply ironic because parents are generally the ones fighting for the time and space in which to accomplish sexual satisfaction.
I’ve written plenty of articles about trying to keep my sex life with my partner alive and still burning, but there are definitely lots of moments where we simply can’t connect because we are stonewalled by parenting issues and I watch our sex life devolve into ashy embers.
I’m curious as to how and when other parents are fitting sex into their lives.
Are parents squeezing in quickies? Are they hiding in the closet? Are they doing it in the car? Do they schedule special dates for sex on the calendar? Or are they not even having sex at all?
My inquiring mind wants to know. Most importantly to me, I want to know that I’m not alone in this seemingly endless race to find the nearest orgasm and spend time with my partner as an actual lover instead of this human who continually parents, nags, supervises, and cleans up after children.
I love our children — wholeheartedly and obsessively. However, I constantly wonder how couples stay sexually connected — and not just for random date nights or vacations. I’m talking daily/weekly in the midst of the grind life. In these times of school closures, distance learning, and working from home it seems even harder to carve out a chunk of quality time for sex.
Leave me your comments and/or experiences. How do you and your partner make the time for sex while raising kids?
More from Michelle: Could I Survive In A Sexless Marriage?