How I Learned To Thrive In a Polygamous Household
I love to see my husband fuck his second wife but I am scared to tell him.
Once a flirt, always a flirt
I am married to a handsome hunk in Pakistan. He is tall and dusky, has the most wonderful abs. To see his silky hair caress his nape in the wind is a dream.
His friendly demeanor makes heads turn as he strides. His unshaved stubble is the greatest turn-on. And no matter what he wears, he always looks great.
I am no ugly duckling, but he is the God I love to worship. His gorgeous looks also make him a casanova. I knew about this before we were married. We were in college together. My parents asked me to stop studying in order to get married to him.
I so wanted to study further and pay attention to my career, but in the country, I was in, I needed none. Sooner or later, I would have to stop school and marry someone, so I may as well marry someone I craved.
When I got married to this heartthrob, the mouths of a dozen other females flew open and their hearts crumbled into pieces.
I thought I would provide enough lust to satisfy Ishaan’s wants. Apparently not. It was a vicious circle. As long as he had his looks, women would dote on him. He would give in, and they too would. I learned to accept the truth and be content in possessing him as mine.
None of these women could at least say that they owned him. Only I did. Until — I did not.
The other woman
One fine day, Saskia, a colleague from college brought him the news of her pregnancy. Men in Islam must take responsibility for orphans. This was no orphan, this was his own blood. Ishaan and I have always been friends first, before partners.
He told me about this. I knew them both. Tears welled up in my eyes. I did not know what to do. I could not leave as there was no place to go. Ishaan had provided me a big villa, with servants and in-laws who respected me. No one questioned me.
I had a driver at my command. I had help with my kids thanks to his gigantic family. I had all the money in the world to spend on my glamour. They even allowed me to go out and take dance lessons, a practice considered taboo in Islam. I really could not ask for more.
So, I agreed for Ishaan to get married to Saskia. Even though I burned with jealousy, inside, my heart melted for her. I did not have the heart to let her raise Ishaan’s illegitimate child alone. In fact, it was I who had suggested he marry her.
I discovered a new part of me
We had had two children already, and I convinced Ishaan that having another little one will further bring joy to the household. I and Saskia would live like sisters. I was so wrong.
Initially, I tried to be ultra-nice to the couple. I decorated their bed for the first night. Saskia was always courteous and respectful. She put me on a pedestal no one ever could.
David Dunning, the Cornell psychologist has stated that when men face rejection, they put up a brave face and work toward success. Women are more likely to give up and find excuses for their failure.
Instead of trying to resolve the situation, I secretly blamed myself for Ishaan’s unfaithfulness to me. I was suffering from the Plateau effect, which meant I had given up easily and needed someone to blame.
I blamed Saskia for having a relationship with Ishaan even though she knew he was married. But, being raised in a conservative culture taught me to do this subtly, like a sweet knife.
Saskia would always remain the ‘other woman’. Being the first put me on top of her. Many a time, I even used this authority to boost my own morale. Since she came into the house, I had another person to rule. I suddenly became the commando I never knew I was.
Shortly after the two got married, Saskia suffered a miscarriage in the middle of the night. Ishaan was sleeping with me that day. She came howling with blood-stained sheets.
Ever since Saskia’s miscarriage, the two do not sleep in darkness. The darkness reminds her of that dreadful day.
Since then, the doctor has told them that Saskia would never be able to conceive. This news came as a relief to Ishaan had his hands full with two kids under 6. So did I.
I was secretly hoping that Saskia did become pregnant. While there were things I could not do because of the two kids, Saskia was always available. The two made experimental love in the night, with the light turned on.
My new fetish
As they had sex in the middle of the night in the bright light, my ears heard more and my eyes became sharper. I started peeking through the small hole on their door to look at what they did. To my horror, I found this enticing.
Instead of feeling jealous, I had a strong urge to finger myself. I loved seeing my husband make love to another woman. The way she satisfied him, the new stances she took, were all new to me. She literally had him wrapped around her finger. He was a puppy dog sniffing her every inch.
I was that bitch running to lick him everywhere as he drowned his shaft into her. I could go on standing there for hours, deriving pleasure from this live show of lust and affection. The way this woman reduced my husband to a worm dangling at her feet was something that provided me utmost satisfaction.
Since then I have seen them having sex many times. I have realized I would prefer watching them make love in front of me. That was much better than him trying to make love to me alone.
Studies have found out that porn can be as addictive as drugs. Watching too much porn can increase the level of Dopamine secreted — a hormone that determines how we feel pleasure. It helps us strive, focus and find things interesting.
Too much or too little Dopamine can damage its effects and make it unresponsive to natural sources of pleasure. Since I saw them make love, I could never perceive sex with him the way it was.
The two blindfolded and discovered their bodies, they tickled and fondled each other with props, they whipped and gnashed and punished themselves. Ishaan did not see me this way.
I was, and would always be the respectful, naive, and boring wife, too narrow-minded to submit to his sensual experiments. I was the mother of his children, while she was his mistress. I was the one he came to for support. She was the one he went to lighten the load.
Experimentation
The new experience was dissolving my cool. I was Ishaan’s first choice. I was the serious one. But now, I wanted to be the sexy whore who could reach his deepest depths.
Saskia is also not happy in her situation. As I would have liked to enter her shoes, she wants to enter mine. Studies have revealed that women are more likely to aim jealous behavior at a rival, than at their cheating partner.
In order to accept this situation, and maintain my sanity, I loosened myself.
The only way I could accept Ishaan’s and Saskia’s relationship was by cheating on him with another. And so I did. There was this guy constantly hitting on me at dance class. I had avoided him all this while as I was married. Suddenly, I felt it was okay to have sex, as long it made me happy.
To my surprise, it did. I needed variety. We did it many times. Even though he was not as good-looking as Ishaan, I enjoyed the thought of cheating on my husband. Adultery was more exciting than plain and simple intercourse.
I was experiencing the Cheater’s High. Studies have found out that most couples who have the opportunity to cheat, would take it. Shoving away the problem at hand and camouflaging it with another form of pleasure, made one feel good.
I drowned Ishaan’s lack of sexual interest by filling myself up with new variety. With time, I started to find my balance. The sex with a stranger along with the frequent porn show between my husband and his second wife saved my life.
A decision I do not regret
Saskia has since expressed her sorrow for never being a mother. Had I known the baby would not come, I would have never accepted her. But had she never come into our lives, I would not be the liberal woman I am today.
Since Ishaan had two women at his disposal, his eyes were fixed. He was flirting less. This was more because he was so consumed in our affairs. In Islam, a man may have two wives only if he could treat them equally. Ishaan really tried to do this to his best efforts.
I wish I could confide in Ishaan. To let him know that I was okay with the naughty tricks he carried out with Saskia. That I would love to witness and join in the fun. A three-some would be the best union of our bodies. It would provide us with a whole new connection.
As I imagine this perfect melange of love, lust, and submission, the conservative wife in me takes over. I keep mum and carry on with day-to-day tasks while secretly meeting my lover. The blasphemous words don’t come to my mouth, and even f they do, I am scared Ishaan will lose respect for me forever.
So instead of mustering the guts to confront my conservative husband and tell him that I did not like this engagement, I played tit for tat. I continued to use the cheating high to make me feel in control. The live porn at home still gives me the best orgasm and Saskia continues to be the sinner in my eyes.
