I Don’t Want to Fall in Love Again
For anyone who has ever been bruised by love and loss.
Remember the skinned knee of childhood? The bright sting of it. The flood of tears. The vivid pain is imprinted on our memory. The next time we fell, we knew exactly what we were in for.
I fell in love. He fell out of it. I remember the bright sting of it. The flood of tears. A vivid pain imprinted on my memory. I know what I’m in for if I fall again.
I don’t want to fall in love again.
I want to rise in it. I want to be met there. I don’t want to be alone, falling, and waiting for the pain to arrive. I want a hand to hold that won’t so easily drop mine, reaching back instead of forward, leaving me to fall alone.
It’s been easy to leave it all behind. To leave little to chance. To make a cozy space and dream soft dreams in it. I know the risk of falling, and I decided that I just want ease for a little longer. I want a safe place to dream with no threat that my heart will be caught only to be broken into pieces and handed back to me with some of them missing.
There are always pieces missing. I am not the same person who fell in love the last time. It has changed me in ways I cannot fully articulate. It has shaped my life in ways that cannot be…
