If Your Text Conversations Never Lead To A Date, Here's Why

It's time to murder your darlings, awkward people.

Carlyn Beccia
Heart Affairs
Published in
7 min readDec 30, 2022

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If Your Text Conversations Never Lead To A Date, Here’s Why
Pexels | Photo by Mary Cherkesova

I match with Simon* on Hinge, and I know exactly how the conversation will end before it starts. I know because his profile reads like every egocentric person who lost their curiosity about others the moment they looked in the mirror.

He chooses the dating prompt: "The way to win me over is…"

He responds, "By showing a genuine interest in me."

I see this often on dating profiles. It's all "me" and not a shred of "we." These people are looking for validation, not connection.

But I have been pleasantly surprised/wrong about people before, and Simon is hot, so I play ball…

I compliment one of his vacation photos. I then ask him where the picture was taken and what he remembers most about the moment. Standard small talk stuff with the opportunity to go deeper…if he chooses.

Simon answers my question like he is describing an infectious rash. But his unflowery response is not the problem. The problem is that he doesn’t ask a question back.

So I build on his response and ask another question.

He answers. The rash grows.

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Carlyn Beccia
Heart Affairs

Author & illustrator. My latest books — 10 AT 10, MONSTROUS: THE LORE, GORE, & SCIENCE, and THEY LOST THEIR HEADS. Contact: CarlynBeccia.com