Never Change Who You Are For Love
In this week’s podcast, my co-host and I discuss a Tik Tok from a woman who thinks her dating struggles are due to “being too much in her masculine energy.”
Can we stop this cultish “feminine energy” stuff already? There’s a myriad of reasons I think this movement is a sham. The primary one is that women like this creator are made to believe their presentation — a culmination of their lived experiences — is to blame. Women are told something about how they navigate the day-to-day world is keeping them single.
Because, of course, it’s always our fault.
The feminine and masculine energy rhetoric was created to scare women who date men into being submissive by telling them their outward presentation is “too masculine.” By that, I mean assertive, outspoken, and decisive. Feminine energy circles teach women who date men to let men lead. Don’t ask where the relationship is going. Don’t tell him his lack of consideration hurts your feelings.
These gurus tell women to date multiple people or have a life of their own, so they don’t notice when their masculine partners dip. That doesn’t make their underlying message — let men decide the terms of the relationship — any less toxic. Ultimately, these coaches teach women to change who they are at their core to be more loveable.
If you receive regular feedback that you behave in an off-putting way to those close to you, it’s time to do some introspection. If you care about the relationship and something you’re doing makes someone feel bad, dig in and do the work. If the change can benefit your life in all aspects, do it. But if the tweaks and adjustments you’re advised to make only affect your romantic relationships, forget them. You are who you are. You’re ahead of the curve if you have a close-knit circle of people who love you as is — even if that’s just one person.
While in an acting class in college, my instructor told me I would never play the ingenue. He was right. I was never going to be the supporting character. I was always going to be the Strong Female Lead.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I promise you this: Any time you center someone else (especially a man) in a decision that affects your quality of life, you will regret it. Not only will they not notice the Rebranded You, but they won’t appreciate the effort it took to get there.
Listen to what else I have to say in this free mini-episode.
Christan Marashio is an internationally recognized trauma-informed certified dating coach. In addition to her certification, she has a Communications degree from Emerson College and 15 years of experience advising singles across the globe. She applies her trauma training to dating because dating these days is legitimately traumatic. Her insights have been featured in Glamor, Men’s Health, Today.com, and other media outlets. Feel free to submit your question; she’ll answer it here, on Tik Tok, or her podcast.
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