Outbursts From Late-Stage Marriage
Self-protection takes energy.
I had a disastrous marriage that lasted for seven years.
When I got divorced, I was in a traumatized stressful haze and I wasn’t sure what happened.
I wanted to leave for years, but something was stopping me; I was afraid, I couldn’t imagine how to take steps forward when I looked to the future, I couldn’t see a future. When I would ask myself, “how do I imagine life in a month, 6 months, a year?” All I would see is darkness, no details, I couldn’t even imagine myself walking down the street or petting a cat.
I saw nothing.
At the end of my marriage, the volume of verbal and emotional abuse increased exponentially. I could feel a visceral force field around me trying to shield me from his words. This force field was described in Star Trek; using the force field drains the power source.
Self-protection takes energy, its subtle, visceral energy coming from the core; it does its job, but it also robs the imagination to conjure up scenes of the future.
As a result of his verbal bombardment, I became silent, I said very little.
There wasn’t much to say to my husband. He was a deeply needy person, I felt sad for him because I don’t think anyone could fill the types…
