And that’s OK.
The first guy I ever had mind-blowing, brain-distorting, sweep-you-off-your-feet sex with didn’t love me. I’m not sure he even cared about me that much either, to be honest.
And you know what? That’s OK.
I was young — maybe 20. He was older. He had been with plenty of other women in his lifetime and has probably been with oodles more since me.
However, many years ago, on one beautiful humid evening, this tall, handsome man chose me. He seduced me utterly and completely. It was a beautiful sexual experience.
It lasted about a month. I couldn’t get enough of him. I craved him day and night. He was a gentle lover — soft and whispery. And he brought me to orgasm every single time we were together. It was a truly satisfying sexual experience.
I thought we were in a ‘real relationship’. I thought things were fantastic. The only problem was — he wasn’t sleeping with only me.
I remember the day he blew me off which was unusual because we had spent almost every day together for 2 weeks. I arrived unannounced at his front door. It was opened a crack. I walked in. He was there with another woman, embracing her the same way he had been embracing me for the weeks.
It was a massive blow. I left quickly, feeling ashamed and hot with embarrassment. I immediately went and cried in a shower — for about an hour. Then I cried some more that night — and again for the next week. My heart actually hurt. I’m sure you know the feeling.
That’s the thing about being a young woman who experiences sensational sex for the first time in her life with an older, more experienced man. It’s hard to let go of. You don’t want to let go of it. You want to hold onto it forever.
The agony of losing a physical connection with someone when you are feeling more alive than you’ve ever felt in your life before is a crushing part of life.
I wandered aimlessly for a while after this happened, lost in a daze of devastation.
Apparently, I was not the only one experiencing orgasms with this man, and the other woman I had found him with was not the only one either. There was yet another woman in the mix. He had been a sly one. And I had been a fool — a fool who was in close, intimate company with other fools just like me.
Looking back now, I wonder if I was really in love with this man, or if I was just greedy? Maybe I just wanted more orgasms. I can’t really blame myself for that.
Confusing a spotent sexual connection with actual love and caring is a common mistake many young women — and young people in general — make. It’s a human mistake. A mistake rooted in the desire for love.
It’s par for the course. We live, we love, and hopefully, some of us get to experience earth-shattering sex with someone at some point in our lives even if they do end up breaking our hearts. It’s understandable not to want to lose that feeling of really connecting with someone on a physical level.
It’s OK that this seductive man dropped me like a hot potato. It’s OK that this man didn’t love me. It’s OK that he didn’t seem to care much that my tears were in his name.
It happens. We get fooled. We make assumptions. We tread in places where we may be in over our heads. Especially when we are young with fresh and naive hearts.
I will always remember this man with his sensual charm and quiet aura. He gave me some pretty intense and sensual experiences that I will always remember. He opened up my sexual world. He betrayed me — but I survived — a little wiser and a lot more experienced than I was before.
Here’s to fools…
More from Michelle: Why Being Sexy Really Has Nothing To Do With Appearance