The truth about married sex is that sometimes it simply doesn’t happen.
The truth about married sex is that quite often the sex stays great for years — even after kids.
The truth about married sex is that occasionally you’re not attracted to your partner.
The truth about married sex is that every so often you have unexpectedly amazing sex after a super long slump.
All of these truths about married sex I’ve mentioned are valid because every marriage or long-term relationship is different and each and every one goes through an immense sexual evolution over time and shared space.
Married sex isn’t just about ONE thing. It’s about many things, woven together over time into the tapestry that is a whole relationship.
It’s not necessarily fair to say that once people get married the sex stops dead or gets stale at best. Maybe a great many couples have experienced that — but certainly not all or even the majority.
‘Dating sex’ with a partner you totally click with is generally hot — most of us can agree. But when you’re with the same partner for a long amount of time, any level of sexual intensity can fizzle. It’s really time — not marriage that can impede a couple’s sexual appetite for one another.
We all hear the jokes and snide remarks about how the sex dwindles once marriage happens — not to mention bringing kids into the relationship.
It seems that just the idea of marriage to many people equals cumbersome responsibilities and a somewhat monotonous sex life.
But the truth about married sex is that you could fall in and out of love with your partner again and again over years and years.
After months or even years of not having great sexual chemistry at all, you could suddenly be reawakened to all the things you love about your partner — therefore rekindling the desire to have more sex with them.
Marriage is like a labyrinth in which you can be trapped on one path for what seems like an eternity. That path may feel stagnant. Then, through personal growth, a new perspective, and life experience, you may suddenly arrive at the realization that there is a new opening for another path after all.
The more you explore the labyrinth with an open mind, the more layers of discovery you can find to unravel.
A marriage or partnership is capable of withstanding years of chaos, stress, new babies, kids, teenagers, minimal privacy, and hurried, sleepy, boring sex. But in between those years of hustling together as partners or raising a family, there are always those surprising moments of newness to be found.
Those moments reveal things you may never have noticed about your partner or things you never really appreciated about your partner. And vice versa, of course.
To fall in love with someone you’ve already been with for years after seeing them in a new light can be both a relief and a thrill.
Couples who have been together for decades can attest to this phenomenon.
There’s something to be said for working on a marriage or long-term relationship. There’s something to be said for putting in the effort even on days when you don’t feel like it.
There are delights to be had along that long and winding road of a long-term partnership. Rediscovering one another sexually can be one of the most rewarding delights.
So, what’s the truth about married sex?
The truth is that your relationship or marriage with your partner is not the same as anyone else’s. The truth is that it’s up to you and your partner to find what you need within yourselves and then within one another. The truth is that there’s always more to discover.
More from Michelle: This Is Why So Many Women Don’t Like Their Partners Watching Porn