Member-only story
The Truth About Trying for Love
Love shouldn’t be this difficult.
“I don’t wanna” seems like the cry of a child or the stubborn mantra of the rebellious teen. I know that. I really do. But I also feel it deep in my heart. There’s a whole world of people out there trying to fall in love, and I just don’t feel like trying. I don’t want to, I’m not going to, and that’s the end of it.
Only it isn’t. Because everywhere I turn, there’s a societal expectation that I should want more than what it is I have already. I’m not sure if I should blame consumer culture or the patriarchy, but I’m pretty sure those things go hand-in-hand. Unlike me, who doesn’t go hand-in-hand with anyone anymore.
To be fair, I did try once. I put my whole heart out there and loved someone. I took that risk. I put all my cards on the table. All my hopes. All my adoration and affection. All my vulnerability.
And every last bit of it was handed back to me unceremoniously. But those hopes were now dashed. The affection and adoration? Splintered by rejection. My vulnerability? Well, is there anything more vulnerable than openly loving someone who doesn’t feel the same?
After it was over, I was determined not to let it shake my faith in love. Just because one person in this wide world didn’t love me doesn’t mean no one else ever will…
