This Is Why So Many Women Don’t Like Their Partners Watching Porn

It’s not what you think.

Michelle Zunter
Jan 17 · 3 min read
It’s not what you think.

Many of us women don’t have a massive problem with our partners watching porn. We don’t necessarily want to deprive our partners of pleasure or a great physical release when we may not be available or in the mood for sex.

It’s something else that bothers us.

Almost every woman I know who has admitted to me that their partner watches porn on the side has expressed to me how the actual culture of porn makes them feel as opposed to just being miffed that their partner watches it in the first place.

The issue with women I’ve spoken to is not so much about the watching of porn. It’s about what’s being absorbed from the porn. It's about what is being perpetrated on the screen by the majority of mainstream porn films.

In almost every mainstream, predominately heterosexual porn film I’ve seen, the women are portrayed as hungry for sex 24/7 with freshly dolled-up faces and salon-style hair ready to be touseled or pulled. Their breasts are generally perky, frequently huge, and quite a lot of the time, those bulbous breasts are not even real.

But it’s not necessarily those women who star in porn films who are the problem. It’s how that content is being consumed by the rest of us and how the blatantly unrealistic goals of porn interactions on the screen can affect our real-world relationships.

Most women I know have pretty hectic lives and although we may have pretty healthy sex drives or naughty desires, we simply don't have the time or energy to be waiting in various locations, perfectly air-brushed, and enthusiastically ready for a two-hour sexathon.

If a woman has a partner who watches a ton of porn that constantly drives home the message that there are plenty of women out there ready to have sex at the drop of a hat — anytime, anyplace — it really sets a high bar for the ordinary housewife, mother, or busy working woman who consistently feels inadequate because she’s not eager for sex after a long day of working, cleaning, or caring for demanding children.

So many women are not open to the idea of porn because it simply makes them feel bad about themselves. They look in the mirror and think, well I don't look like those perfect women in the films my partner watches, so perhaps they are unhappy with me. What do I have to offer?

I think men, in particular, need to try to understand porn culture from this perspective. Your girlfriend or wife may be fine with you watching some porn on the side as a physical release, but she may also need reassurance that you find her sexy too.

Despite the modern-day body-positivity culture, the way the vast majority of mainstream porn depicts how women look and behave sexually can still create significant cracks in the sexual confidence of any woman — no matter how secure she is with her body.

And there is plenty of porn out there which does feature more “real" looking women of varying degrees.

That’s great.

But the majority of the porn I’ve seen tends to display women having vigorous sex in impractical positions looking like they spent hours on hair and makeup while showcasing their smooth spray tans.

The same goes for the men depicted in porn as well. I’m sure many men in the real world feel insecure about not having huge penises, bulging tattooed arms, and the ability to make sex last for hours on end. Hence, Viagra!

Porn will always be. And people from every gender or background will always want to consume it in one way or another.

That’s OK.

But while we are consuming, let’s make a point check back into the real world every once and a while and be conscious of how our partners in real life might feel as well.

More from Michelle: Having Tons of Sexual Partners Doesn’t Necessarily Mean You’re ‘Sexually Experienced’

Michelle Zunter

Written by

Top Writer, Partner, Lover, Mother & Stepmother. Read more at www.theponderingnook.com

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