Waking Up From Denial Is Painful
I’m repeating old habits — I thought divorce taught me this lesson.
“My heart knows only an entrance. There’s no exit. There’s no revolving door. If I let you in, it will be difficult to push you out. Treat me well.”—Colleen Sheehy Orme
“I know I’m in denial,” I say to my friend.
“I am too,” she says.
I laugh.
“At least we’re realistic,” I say. “We know this is fantasy thinking. I’ve allowed myself that. It’s how I’ve gotten through some of the heartache.”
“Yup,” she says.
To be fair, this IS progress.
When I was having marital difficulties I was in complete denial. My marriage was going to work if it was the last thing I did. I’m not a quitter. I’m tenacious to a fault.
It’s typically an attribute.
It wasn’t in the relationship arena.
I should’ve given up.
I wasn’t only in denial about the demise of my marriage. I refused to accept the complete truth about my husband’s diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder.
It validated me.
When it should have made me run for the door.
