“What’s Your Sex Number?”

Dealing with the mindfuck (and fallout) from the number of past lovers.

Wendy Newman
Heart Affairs
Published in
4 min readJan 22, 2021

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Copyright: 123RF Stock Photo

Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold

Hey Wendy,

At the start of dating, my wife told me the number of men she’s had sex with was 3. She’s recently admitted that the real number is 40. How do I not despise her for this? She has been my best friend for a long time, but she has also lied a LOT about sexual things.

Richard N. — Syracuse, NY

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Hey Richard,

Huh! I wonder what I would say to a woman who wrote in with this question:

“When I first met my husband, he asked me my sexual number. Even though it was none of his business, I could tell by the way that he asked, if I told the truth, he’d slut-shame me. So I lied — I told him it was three. But now that I know, love, and trust him and we’re best friends, I decided to deepen our intimacy by sharing the truth. My real number is forty. Big mistake! Now he despises me. What do I do?”

Wait, I know exactly what I’d say.

“Wow. That’s a super uncompassionate response! You should run far, far away from the horrible monster who is soon to be your ex-husband.”

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Wendy Newman
Heart Affairs

Dating, Sex & Relationship Expert and Author of 121 First Dates (Simon & Schuster). Over 80,000 women trust Wendy’s advice, tools, & experience. WendySpeaks.com