Agony of Cornelia
When Julius Caesar and Cornelia got married, it was 84 BC. Cornelia passed away in 69 BC. She waited a long time for Caesar to come back home from war. Maybe she was saying-
“I die when seeing thy face,
A long course of war, Caesar!
A fire of hope dimming by time,
Waiting for a late star to shine.
Tis what wise men said,
Men die fighting unwanted war.
Women die in hope of them to love.
Yet I'm blessed, Me, the jailed Dove!
They say you’ll never come back,
I tell them I’ll never go forth.
I’m very easy in each of my words!
These letters I write, agonizing cords.”
As I sit here, staring out into the distance from the balcony of our home, my thoughts drift back to the day Julius left for war. It feels like an eternity ago, though it’s only been a few months. The ache in my heart grows with each passing day, longing for his return.
When Julius and I married, it was a time filled with hope and promise. Our love was a beacon, guiding us through the challenges that life in Rome brought. He was my everything, and I willingly waited, believing in his strength and his promise to return to me.
But now, the reality of war casts a shadow over my heart. The news from the front lines brings tales of fierce battles and senseless bloodshed. Each report fills me with a deep-seated fear, knowing that Julius is out there, risking his life for causes that seem so distant and abstract.
The days blur together now, marked only by the changing seasons and the occasional news from the front lines. I cling to every scrap of information, every rumor that reaches my ears, hoping for some word of his well-being. The uncertainty gnaws at me, but I remain steadfast in my resolve to wait.
I often find myself wandering through the gardens we tended together, remembering his laughter and the warmth of his touch. The roses he planted still bloom, a testament to his love and care. They remind me that love endures, even in his absence.
The nights are the hardest. The darkness seems to stretch on endlessly, echoing the emptiness in my heart. I lie awake, listening to the sounds of the city outside, imagining every footstep might be his returning to me. But each time, it's only disappointment that greets me.
Yet, I hold on to hope. I know Julius will return. He promised me he would, and I believe in him with all my being. I pray to the gods for his safe return, offering sacrifices and prayers in the hopes that they will watch over him on his journey back to me.
Until then, I wait. Patiently, steadfastly, counting the days and dreaming of the moment when I will once again see his face, feel his arms around me, and know that our love has weathered the storms of war. For as long as it takes, I will wait for him, my heart forever bound to his across the distance that separates us, each day a reminder of the pain caused by the unwanted war that keeps us apart.
