Eternal Runner
I am aware of my weakness when it comes to love, as I always choose to run away. A lifestyle not meant to be, but created by circumstances of uncertainty and unexplainable pain that is impossible to put in words. All I could think of was to hide in the arms that were opened for me, but were never meant for shelter. They never wanted to guide me. They never tried to take my hand to stop my tears from screaming. It was all about them, caressing their skin when it felt too lonely. So when time passed by, their touches said goodbye. Promising me soon to be together. I promised them more than I could give. So I became the runner, faster than the flames of tenderness. They would never have me as I will always seek the road to my sacred place of lonesomeness hidden under my pile of beautiful excellence of wisdom and sparkles.
A place they noticed when I wasn’t around. A place they noticed that existed as I grew into a person who needed them less then they needed me. They thought they could own me by not giving me their time and left me hanging in wishing they were around, but I never let it get so far. Of course I would cry, I missed the presence of a warm body next to mine. Luckily there were moments I was able to be alone despite the heartache. When it’s been too long, you don’t even know it’s missing. You become numb to all of them who seemed so used to leaving you on your own, that you become much stronger by yourself.
I never wanted my heart to be dependent on another’s beating. I always wanted to stay on my own, even when I’m not alone. Even then I know their presence will not tell anything about their loyalty. So I keep kissing them like it will be the last time I can touch their skin. Never did I know that’s the reason they never let go, they keep coming back even though I always forget they are here when they’re gone. When they’re out of sight I turn around and my heart wanders to another whose desires to fulfill, but it will never be mine. All that is fulfilled is only a temporary experience to hide the emptiness I don’t want anyone to know. Not even the one I love the most. He fills my heart like no one else can and he hurts me the most of all of them. I can’t let him know. Those feelings are just tears creating the greatest flames that keep me flying through every wild road on my journey to eternal love.
~Sophie
