MorningGlow Meets BFFSteve

I lost my husband, Frank, on July 1st, 2010. To be clear, I didn’t lose him on a hike through the woods, he passed away from Amyloidosis, a condition so rare I’ve met nurses who’ve never heard of it. At that point we’d been together for 23 years and had beautiful twelve year old twin girls. He loved us so much and suddenly he was just… gone. Naively, I thought we’d be together for the rest of our lives. He made me laugh like nobody else and I’ll miss him every day of my life.

After four years of grieving, I finally felt ready to meet someone. This was mostly for companionship more than any raging physical needs. I love to hear live music so initially I crafted this clever online profile:

“My idea of a perfect date is to go to the Greek with a great guy and spend half the show listening to music and half the show making out.”

One of the few responses I got was:

“Hi, I like to go to concerts too. I live with my Mom. Do you want to go see the Beach Boys with me?”

Why did he have to say he lived with his mom? I politely declined.

When I was first putting my profile together I consulted some of my divorced friends for tips. I was told to shave a few years off my age so I’d come in under 50. Apparently, most guys in my age range look for women who are at least ten years younger.

Then there was the prospect of putting ‘Widow’ under marital status. I was told I should put ‘single’ by well-meaning friends because ‘widow’ sounds too depressing and might scare guys away.

The third thing I was told to lie about was my religion. I’m a reform Jew but was told to put ‘spiritual but not religious’ instead.

I was also instructed never to make the first overture, always let the guy write to you first. Screw that. One day I saw a picture of a guy with a Frank Zappa shirt on. My husband had been a huge Zappa fan so I wrote something like “Nice shirt”…

He responded, “Zappa’s great”.

I struggled to keep the conversation going.

“Hey, what’s it like to live at the Americana?”

His response? “I dig the HELL out of it and I’m dating up a storm — Match.com has been REALLY good to me and it’s so convenient — I can meet ladies down at the restaurants, wine them and dine them, and then invite them up to my atelier to impress them with my art and music.”

When I received obnoxious replies like this, I would forward them to happily married friends eager to hear what the dating scene was like for women our age in LA. No doubt they hugged their hubbies extra tightly in bed that night!

Another time a dull, corporate kind of guy wrote and asked what I was looking for in a relationship. I earnestly replied, “I guess I’m looking for someone to have fun and enjoy life with…” I didn’t expect this response.

“I also like the same as you as well as great chemistry and sexual compatibility… I need an open minded woman in the bedroom…”

When I sent this doozy to a friend her response was simply…

“He wants 2P on U”

I think she was right.

A macho-looking guy from Agoura Hills showed interest but requested additional photos. I told him I wasn’t looking to date someone who lived so far away.

He replied, “I would travel to the ends of the earth for the right woman!”

In LA rush hour traffic? I don’t think so.

I was about to throw in the towel and accept that this just wasn’t meant to be the way I’d meet someone, which was pretty depressing since no one was fixing me up and I wasn’t getting hit on at the gym. But, I swallowed my pride and went on OK Cupid one last time. I quickly saw someone who caught my eye. This was our initial exchange:

Nov 8, 2014 from MorningGlow (Me)

“I was at the Fab Faux show too. Absolutely loved it!”

(from BFFSteve, Him)

“Hi. Thanks for the note. The Fab Faux show was very fun.”

(Me)

“I am hearing from a lot of people who are low percentile matches (28%, 52%). You are a 91% match! Am I placing too much stock in the whole percentage thing?”

(Him)

“The percentage thing is overrated. But it’s something to take into consideration.”

Later that evening I went back online and couldn’t contain my excitement:

“Wow you went from a 91% match to a 93% match since the last time I wrote you.”

I didn’t hear from him again that night but bright and early the next morning, I flung open my computer to see if there was a note from BFF Steve. There was!

“Good morning! Maybe we should have coffee or something. Messaging is good but in person is what counts the most.”

We had our first date on November 14th, 2014, at a Starbucks in Sherman Oaks. And, after two hours of non-stop chatter, I’d told him my three secrets: My real age, my real marital status and my real religion. None of it fazed him.

A few months later we went to see the Moody Blues at the Greek. He was ready to accommodate my ‘perfect date’ wish with lips at the ready. But I was so entranced by the music I completely forgot about the making out part! It didn’t matter. I was thrilled to be at a concert and content to have BFFSteve by my side, where he remains to this day, nearly five years after our first date.