Sleepless in Studio City
The other night while channel surfing I watched a bit of the movie Sleepless in Seattle starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. Hanks has just lost his wife and his son calls into a radio talk show hosted by a psychologist to inquire how he could help his dad deal with his depression. Hanks gets on the phone and has a brief chat with the radio host and Meg Ryan, who is driving home from a dinner party, is touched by the story and the young boy, who is looking for a new mother.
The most dramatic image in the film for me was when the young boy runs away to New York hoping to meet Annie, Meg Ryan’s character at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine’s Day. As the taxi heads from the airport to Manhattan, in the distance you could see the World Trade Center. It made me think about the first time I saw the film, when the image hardly registered for me. Then after 9/11, I was mesmerized by the sight of the two skyscrapers, because it reminded me of the very darkest day in September when the buildings literally turned to dust. This time when I watched that scene, I realized that what I once thought was the most tragic image, has been superseded by a world that has forever changed.
My life was actually transformed last year, when after a valiant four year struggle, my husband of almost 44 years passed away. Ten weeks later I lost my dad at the age of 96 and buried him on one of the most beautiful Fall days in Montreal in the same dress I wore to my husband’s funeral and the boots my dad bought for me 30 years earlier, which I have resoled three times. Little did I know that the loss of two men last year, who had such a profound impact on my life, would eventually be consoling in that I am grateful that neither of them has to persevere through these challenging times. How would I have been able to take Michael to his 16 surgeries, 30 rounds of radiation and 12 immunotherapy treatments while socially distancing? Would his compromised immune system been able to battle the period of time it would take to ultimately walk our daughter down the aisle? How would I have been able to ensure that my dad was buried alongside my mom with all the religious rituals he had specified in his will, from 3000 miles away.
I find myself being grateful that both left this earth at a time when they do not have the added burden of navigating this challenging universe. These days, I am working on crafting headstones that do justice to their legacies. My sister Ruth is overseeing the tablet for my dad, as she did for my mother. We will note his devotion to his family, faith and his extraordinary courage and resilience during the Holocaust. My husband found out he was going to be a grandfather five days before he died so I have had grandfather inscribed. I have also added Veteran, not so much for his service during the Vietnam era but more so for his support to veterans in finding employment after a 35 year career in Human Resources. We never talked about what he would want on his gravestone. We never discussed the eventuality of my living alone. He avoided the conversations that would have consoled me after his loss, like how much he loved me and how he could help me navigate widowhood.
My father left me some money which I have deposited in a bank in Montreal because the Canadian dollar is worth about 68 cents. Once the virus reared its ugly head, I felt the need to have a will, since my trust in the US does not cover any assets in Canada. I informed the notary that I would like to leave the money to my daughter and grandchild. She responded as follows, “your daughter and grandchild are on the Titanic and it is sinking”. I ask “Is my son-in-law with her”? She responds “No”. I am being asked to imagine losing my daughter prematurely to which I say, “my daughter is very resourceful. She will find a door like Kate Winslet and float with her Leo until one of the rescue boats comes back”. I finally come to. terms with this unthinkable event and after my daughter and her children leave the money to my son-in-law and then to my niece, who has eight children of her own.
I try to not allow the bigger challenges to defeat me and take solace in the fact that I am accomplishing small goals like shaving the time it takes to get my comforter into the duvet cover. Because I am self-isolating vigilantly, I am able to rejoice in visits with my grandson, who loves it when I wear my beautiful blue grey dress with the pink flowers. I also find myself developing meaningful relationships with my Instacart shoppers.
I watched the end of the movie Sleepless in Seattle last week and was comforted by the fact that Tom Hanks had found a partner with whom he could spend the rest of his life and someone who would fulfill the role of a mother to his son. It a Hollywood ending that makes me watch the film over and over. This most recent sight of the World Trade Center took on a new meaning in that it reminded me that we came through that unspeakable tragedy and in some ways the events created a playbook to adapt and survive the next set of challenges, which recently arrived on our doorstep unannounced.
