Smelly Feet
“Well, aren’t you going to massage my feet?” I ask my husband. “I had a hard day, and these dogs are barking!”
He asks, “Are they smelly?”
“Why does that matter? What happened to the days when we dated, and you tried to schmooze me and did anything I asked? Back then, my smelly feet didn’t seem to be a problem. It was because you were trying to convince me to continue dating you. You should be rubbing and massaging my feet whenever I want since I am your wife! I can’t believe how lucky you are that I married you. I, on the other hand, feel gipped.”
Then come to the excuses as to why he cannot rub my feet.
What about the massager I got you?
What about after you wash them, so I know they aren’t stinky?
What about tomorrow night?
And the list goes on.
At some point, he may give in and rub my feet, and I HATE how much his hands can be so rough. I respond, “You are not kneading it like a pizza! Just be gentle.”
Then he looks at my feet and says, “Wow! Your heels are very dry. Why are they so dry?”
I respond quickly, “Yes, you are right. They are dry. Why don’t you get the lotion and put some on my feet?”
He retorts, “Well, I didn’t sign up for that!”
Many minutes have passed, and I become so frustrated that my feet are not touched; finally, I give in by using my massager.
When I look at my feet, I see the cracked nails and think I should sign up for a pedicure one of these days. I have had pedicures in the past, but I believe it has been at least four years since I had one!
I have young children, so in my “mom-brain,” I always sacrifice myself and justify the crazy thought that I could use the money for the kids or go to dinner or something else. But I love the idea of getting a pedicure, knowing my toes would look beautiful with a splash of color.
I asked my husband, “When we married, what did you think you signed up for?”
When we got married, an Anglican priest, who was female, married us. She highly recommended before marriage that we participate in marriage classes. She wanted to identify if we were compatible as a couple. These classes lasted several weeks. The first day we walked into her office, she gave us a 119-question questionnaire. I vividly recall from this questionnaire that Jason offered to split the chores 50/50, doing all the yard work and cleaning the windows. Well, that was 12 years ago. I haven’t seen him do much! And I love to bring that questionnaire up to him!
“Do you think the questionnaire asked how often I should rub my wife’s feet? I ask my husband.
I say, “What do you mean you didn’t sign up for putting lotion on my feet? You asked ME to marry YOU, and I said yes.”
I didn’t realize how drastically our lives have changed in all of these years. But we still laugh about it today because we believe that a questionnaire will not help any couple who is about to get married.
I frankly tell my husband, “You lied on the questionnaire! Why not be honest with the priest and say, “Yeah, I am not going to do anything my wife wants, including putting lotion on her feet!”
He looks at me and smiles.
He says, “The priest was right. We are very compatible!”
The one thing I love about my husband is our interactions and the humor we bring to our marriage. We can sit on the couch and watch reruns of Seinfeld, and then I start to touch him.
He may say, “Why are you poking me?”
I respond, “You are lucky I still want to touch you!”
I wonder what will happen when we get old. But I know that laughter between us is what still keeps us together. We have been through so many rough trials in our marriage, and I am so thankful for the laughter and, frankly, the painful foot massages he gives me if I ever get one.
