THE PROBLEM NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT…
IS HOW WE THINK ABOUT TIME
What does time mean? A watch, a clock, getting old?
Time. It is a word that can mean many things. Do you have the time? And someone checks their watch or their phone. How many times have you eaten today? Which is just a relative number. Or it can hold so much weight as in — how much time do I have left? Time can be a noun or a verb. Good or bad. Can go slow or fast. And none of us will ever have enough.
What does time mean? Staying young, being born, or dying?
At the birth of my daughter, time moved slowly. I remember my husband checking his watch counting the time between contractions. I remember looking at the clock, watching the hours slowly tick by as the pain grew more intense, and she still did not come. I was so young then, so naïve, so full of hope, and scared at the same time. I should have realized then; my daughter would operate according to her own clock. I look back now that I am older and wish I could give my younger self some advice. I was always in such a rush. I could not wait to watch my daughter grow up. Each year it got easier and harder. Now she is a teenager. Now I know better. I will not wish for time to slow down or speed up. I will savor the present and enjoy it anytime I get.
What does time mean? Kids growing up, your adulthood, or your childhood?
There are so many blessings about childhood. The innocence, the simplicity, and the joy children experience so easily. But with the passing of time, we know adulthood is inevitable. Kids often say, “I can’t’ wait to grow up,” and with that, most parents cringe. Parents know that with adulthood comes experiences that show you the harder side of life. Parents watch as their loved ones grow older. Parents know that the world can be unkind. Parents know that death is the one thing we will all eventually have in common. Adulthood can be wonderous in its own ways, and for those of us who make it this far, it is a blessing. Watching our kids growing is one of its joys. But in adulthood, we must walk the tight rope of life between love and fear and face the unfortunate truth that no one gets through this life without experiencing both.
What does time mean? The passing of it, does it go on for infinity, or do we cherish it when we are grandparents?
When I think about time, I am transported to certain memories in my life. I think about the memories where I wish time would have gone faster. The hours waiting at the hospital while my son was in surgery. The moments watching my daughter sick with the flu and just wishing it was over. The car rides to the hospital, rushing my children to the emergency room and wishing traffic would go faster. But then there are those moments you wish you could travel back to and slow down. The times my daughter would put her little arms around me and hug me with all her might. The times my son would laugh so hard, I could feel his joy in my heart. The times the four of us would pile into bed and watch a movie. Time is funny that way — it hardly ever gets it right.
What does time mean? Is it change when we get married, or when we are school-age, or when we are babies?
Time is something we learned in school when I was young on a clock with small hands and large hands. Time is now something kids can only read on their phones. Time can go fast or slow; it just depends on your experience. Time is also consistent, even though we perceive it differently. Time is something that will keep ticking even when we feel that the world should stop. Time will survive and keep going even when I am no longer here. Time does help heal but, not enough. Time is something most of us wish we had more of.
What does time mean? Does it go by quickly, slowly, or by the tick-tock of a clock?
Time after time. If you fall, I will catch you; I’ll be waiting. Time after time. This is what I want my children to know about our relationship. This is also something I struggle with being a parent. You want your children to grow up and be independent. You want them to be responsible. You want them to grow up to be good adults. But how do you let go? How do you let them know they need to take risks but within reason. They need to break away, but not too fast or too much. I learned the word recently — enmeshment — we want to support our kids but not enmesh our lives with them. They need to know they are separate human beings. It is harder than it sounds. I want my kids to live their lives, find their happy and know I will always be here if they fall. I will pick them up, help them dusts themselves off so they can try again. And I hope they always try again.
What does time mean? Is it an illusion, or does it pass with the rising of the sun and moon?
And I hope they always try again. This is something I wish for all the people in this world. One of my favorite athletes is Michael Jordan. I grew up near Chicago in the ’80s and ’90s, so his years leading the Chicago Bulls to multiple championships will forever be embedded in my brain. One of my all-time favorite quotes is also from Michael Jordan. Basically, he says that he attempted the game-winning shot about 100 times but only succeeded about 20% of the time. People typically only remember the times he made it. He was successful because even when he failed, he never gave up. He was successful because he was not scared to try. I do believe this is an important ingredient to a happy life; never quit on yourself.
What does time mean? Do we notice it the same day and night? Are all 24 hours the same?
That girl got time. Is what I would say to myself when I was in my 20’s. I remember being in such a rush. In a rush to get my career off the ground. In a rush to get married. In a rush to buy a house. In a rush to have kids. I wish I could tell my younger self to slow down and enjoy the moment. I recently watched a video of my husband and me at a Thanksgiving dinner many years ago. We were young, newly engaged, and broke. But at this dinner was my family and his family. Our sisters just had their first babies, and everyone was laughing, dancing, and having so much fun with the little kids. Many of those people from the video are no longer with us. Little did I know how special that moment was. As I was in such a rush to get my life started, it was happening all around me. I am so thankful I have the video to prove it.
What does time mean? Do you only pay attention to it at the sound of your alarm, are you always counting it down, or do you think it is never-ending?
When I fell into time, I discovered that it is all relative. In fact, your perception of time can cause you heartache, stress, and misery. If you only live in the past, you live in agony. If you only dream of the future, you live with false hope. The only true way to escape this is to live in the present moment. It seems simple enough, but it is one of the hardest challenges of all. Our minds naturally drift to memories or daydreams about the future. To stay where you are at. To only live in the current time you have. To accept the as is — that is the lesson, that is the journey, and that is one of the biggest challenges we all face with our time here on earth.
