The Succulent Life
A succulent is any plant that stores water in juicy leaves, stems or roots in order to withstand periodic drought. As a mother, I’m expected to keep going and growing without much water. My adaptability enables me to thrive in harsh environments. I’ve learned to store my own water.
The door opened, and I gently squeezed the cellophane-wrapped children’s library books into the metal tray. I gingerly gripped the handle again to repeat the process. I love our Studio City library, and I’m grateful for the Library-To-Go service they’ve been offering during the global pandemic. It’s so much more efficient than the normal library-going experience. Placing my online holds and getting an automated call from the robot librarian allows me to squeeze in one more enrichment for my young children. I spend a lot of my time squeezing these days. I noticed myself trying to squeeze between the cold, white clawfoot tub and the baby blue bathroom wall to peel off the temporary paper blinds hanging in the window this morning. I remember peeling back the adhesive strip to affix these shades four and a half years ago when we first moved into this house. We’re getting white wooden plantation shutters installed today, I can hardly believe how quickly the time has passed. I remember my biggest squeeze happened six years ago.
She told me not to blink as she handed me a compressed body, covered in pasty vernix, all six pounds of the tiny human who had just emerged from my body. “Here is your beautiful daughter,” she repeated, as I reached for the most priceless gift I’d ever known. “She looks like a doll,” I uttered through watery eyes. My husband’s knowing smile helped my shoulders relax. More than sixteen hours had passed since my labor marathon began, but she and I had crossed the finish line together. I was overcome with awe for all mothers throughout time. I clearly remember feeling the deepest connection to my own humanity than I’d ever known. And in that same moment, I was aware that this experience was like nothing else I’d ever known. And now I’ve learned to live with all of these feelings daily, most especially a reverence for mothering and the gift of life. Her name is Sophia, which means wisdom. And I’m still learning. Every. Single. Day. It’s learning on the job.
I never knew my daytime job would be Joy Manager, but that’s exactly what I do. Tomorrow is Superhero Day at elementary school, so I made sure Sophia picked out her favorite superhero apparel online in plenty of time to be outfitted with joy on the designated day. I registered a surge of inner joy as she smiled at the mirror in her Supergirl t-shirt and red and white striped ruffled skirt, prepped and ready for tomorrow’s Kindergarten adventures. After a joyful afternoon of creative expression in her outdoor performing arts class, she’ll participate in a gardening class and plant some joy in our backyard. And then I’ll race to pick up my toddler from his day of joy and laughter with other tiny tots just in time for a mommy and me class. It’s there he will burst with joy on the trampoline, zipping back and forth between the colorful play structures. I’ll do my best to nourish my husband and both children at the dinner table tonight with a delicious dinner sprinkled with joy. Then after a not-so-joyful bedtime routine completes, I will finally be able to enjoy some peace and quiet.
The truth is, some days I feel like I can handle my life, and other days, not so much. I forgot to eat breakfast this morning, and I still haven’t taken any of my vitamins, but I did help deliver seventy-two succulents to Colfax Elementary School. It’s Teacher Appreciation Week, and the President of the PTA texted me over the weekend to see if I could solicit donations. “Gimme a few hours,” I responded. After not making much headway via phone calls, I grabbed Sophia and drove out to Pacoima to meet the store manager of Lowes. I’m not on the official planning committee for the school, and I’ve probably only met a handful of teachers. My daughter is in Kindergarten and has been learning virtually from her bedroom for eight of the last nine months. But yes, I really appreciate our teachers, and I’m a total pro when it comes to fundraising and community outreach. A team of moms helped me add coffee filters wrapped with twine around each tender green plant. And even though I haven’t showered today, and I don’t know what’s for dinner, I’m nurtured in knowing gratitude will be blooming all summer long. I’ll keep storing my own water, and I’ll be blooming, too.
