Time Travel
Counting backwards by 4 hours is my way of keeping a connection to my daughter, even when she is miles away.
5am in LA. 1pm in London. Noon in LA. 8pm in London. I am counting backwards by 4 hours and adding 12 hours all through my day. Every day. I am not the best at math, but this is how I can quickly know what time it is in London when I’m in Los Angeles.
Our one beloved child/young adult currently lives 5,454 miles away from us. I am somewhat used to her living outside of Southern California — summer camps spent in Scotland, internships on the east coast, undergrad in NYC and post grad in the UK.
Isabella’s been away from LA for a long time. I miss her and think about her constantly, but my time swap helps me bridge the distance. At least in my head.
Adjusting the hours is my way of keeping a connection to her, even when she’s miles away. I do the math and then think about what she’s doing at that moment. I’m able to imagine she’s at work or at her apartment when I’m waking up or going to bed. I don’t know exactly what Isabella’s doing of course, but my time travel gives me a framework to imagine her day. Our daily texts fill in the rest.
When Isabella decided to go to college in NY, friends were surprised we’d let our daughter go to university so far from Los Angeles. I don’t think they were surprised at us per se, but they voiced that they weren’t as brave. “My daughter/son/child has to be in California. They can’t be so far from me. I can’t let them go. What would I do without them?” many friends said.
My late mother-in-law told us many times that she wasn’t allowed to go out of state to college and how she would have loved to have had the chance but her mom couldn’t be without her. My mother-in-law understood the gift we were giving our daughter.
I think my husband and I are brave and strong and unselfish in this situation — that’s something to be proud of. We never held Isabella back to be with us, and because of that, she soared. She’s been everywhere and has friends around the world.
But it’s hard — holidays especially. I miss her on Thanksgiving, on Mother’s Day and at the Passover table. I’ve lost the joy of the seasons when she’s not here with us to celebrate. However, I do know how to live in the moment, and I truly savor the times she is here. I am more present when she’s present.
My husband and I were in the UK in July, and I soaked up every minute with our daughter. I didn’t have to do my time swap because Isabella was right there next to me — on the train or on the couch. I could hold her hand and I could see her smile in person. My love tank was empty by the time July rolled around; after our visit it was filled up again — and hopefully by the time it’s on empty again we will have another visit planned.
My daughter has a full and productive life and that’s exactly what I want for her, even if her life isn’t in Los Angeles. That’s ok. I’ll just look at the clock and do the math.
