A Sudden Faucet Outburst
“If we can laugh, fine. And if we’ve got to cry, we’ve got to cry.” — Charles Bukowski.
I’m considered somewhat of a class clown because almost everything that comes out of my mouth is paired with some sort of humor.
The thing is, this is not a way to mask any sort of sadness “inside” of me, it’s just my genuine way of communicating with people.
Because of this, I built a reputation for being always filled with laughter and an overall fun person to hang out with. I’m severely optimistic about a lot of things, patient and considerate.
Yesterday, we wrapped up an event we prepared for in 7 weeks. We were three sections/blocks/classes who handled it together and I’m one of the main organizers for the event.
During the preparation stage, it already drained a lot from us, especially with the lack of cooperation from our professor.
During the event proper, let’s just say, the lack of preparation from our professor caused us to start 4 hours late. We were already fatigued before the start but I still had a lot of energy to show enthusiasm and humor.
Many people were asking how could I keep up such energy despite everyone being tired around me.
I just thought that showing energy may also give those around me energy. I love being a source of light in any form to other people, after all.
Long story short, when all was said and done, I felt so lightheaded that I almost dropped. When almost everybody had gotten home, I was alone with my classmates.
I closed my eyes and as soon as one of my best friends rubbed my back, it felt like a faucet was opened.
I cried.
It was not a sorrowful mourning of a loss.
It was tears of fatigue, disappointments, overwhelming thoughts, realizations, unexpected happenings, and a lack of sleep.
I rarely cry in public because of my reputation as being humorous.
I’m more of a private crier (if that is a word,) if that makes sense. So, for me to just let it all out then and there was something.
It was also quite anxiety-inducing because the culture of the Philippines somewhat reprimands male people for crying because they’re supposed to be strong and all that.
However, in all honesty, I felt good that I let it all out yesterday. I was frustrated, sad, disappointed, and tired.
There was no way I could’ve stopped my tears from falling.
To my friends who were there for me during that time, thank you very much. I appreciate and love you all.
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Thank you very much for reading!
If you like more personal stories like this, you should check out Speaking in front of 300+ people.
