The Insights On Life from An Old Age Home
Accepting the value of time and the forgotten give-and-take in life
Life is a series of events where an individual grows old starting as a tiny baby. It’s like a race with the choice of taking different pathways but with the same finish line.
Simple. But why haven’t we mastered the art of living?
Because the definition of a successful life varies and we don’t live long enough to comprehend the meaning of life properly.
My perspective on life widened when I visited an old age home with my university’s community service society. It was in June this year and was a new and overwhelming experience for me.
We observed their eating behaviours, preferences, and the way they were served food. We spent an entire day there and listened to their stories from the good old days.
One of them was good at playing the violin despite being over 70. Some told stories of their bravery in the wars. Some shared their talents like painting, embroidery, and knitting. Some had a collection of their poetry.
It was an amazing company. The best part was their bond with each other. The way they got excited telling their stories was truly inspiring.
We learned that most of them had either lost their loved ones or were abandoned. Some were brought there after recovering from psychological help centres because their families won’t take them.
On knowing their reasons, I understood how strong they were and how their smiles told stories.
Life has a way of moving forward, but this modern obsession with keeping up and running towards success is overrated because of the damage done to people around us in the process.
My mother always uses the term ‘Makafaat-e-Amal’ when referring to life. It means ‘the outcome of your actions’ and is similar to Karma. She says that people often reap what they’ve sown in one way or another. I have heard of people getting their payback after how they acted in the past. But now, I can practically see people acting in a way they will regret later. So, my understanding of Makafaat-e-Amal has gotten better with time.
We don’t embrace the reality of life. We ignore the things that make it worthwhile and end up disappointed.
There’re many shades of life. Every place and person we’re surrounded by has stories inside. These are:
- Stories living away from their parents who don’t remember the last time they talked
- Stories with their children enjoying lives with no concern about anything
- Stories in old age homes and care centres abandoned by their families living their last days.
I understand why people make these choices, but after this visit, I’m questioning their priorities. Think about it, is payment to the care homes enough? Is it okay to leave someone at their vulnerable stage when they did so much for you?
I can think of two perceptions in such cases:
a. Provision of better facility
We want to provide our parents with the finest facilities and support of the best-trained staff. It might be what’s best, but what happens if they expect something else? They don’t say it, but in their hearts, they have the urge to see their children or at least hear from them.
b. Denial of vulnerability
Doing so seems reasonable, but it isn’t. The children who always looked up to their parents and saw the strongest person, now look at them and see someone weaker. This is an ironic but bitter reality that one has to accept. You cannot stop time or ageing, but you can reciprocate the care your parents gave.
I’ve never met anyone with a perfect childhood, but we can try to be considerate.
No matter how complicated your reason is, you can still manage time for your parents.
In an interview I saw, a woman mentioned that she takes care of her old mother. Recently, she got overwhelmed and hugged her for a long minute. She casually said, “I have to take care of you as a parent, Mom. You cannot stop me from doing that, okay?” Her Mom said, “Okay, but promise me you won’t get mad if I don’t listen or throw tantrums.”
This part often crosses my mind and makes me realize that humans, whether as a child or as elderly, need affection and care.
It’s a give-and-take we neglect when in reality, it makes relationships stronger and gives you courage. So, tell your parents you love them before it’s too late and make time for them. They deserve some of it so express what you feel before it’s too late.
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That’s all for now. Thank you for reading.
