The Ugly Reality of Adult Friendships No One Wants to Admit
Exploring the challenges of friendships in adulthood
Growing up, my closest friends and I were inseparable. We fantasized about living together, starting a business, and traveling the world. Every spare moment was shared, and when we weren’t physically together, you can bet we were texting, on the phone, or having three different conversations on three different social platforms.
Our lives revolved around each other, and why wouldn’t they? In those years, not much else demanded our attention. But as the real world reared its ugly head, our fantasies came crashing down. Fast forward to now — we’re in our 20s, figuring out this whole adulting thing.
While I did lose touch with some friends and drifted from others, I consider myself lucky to have clung to the majority of these childhood connections. Yet, the path hasn’t been smooth. Days turn into months without a peep from a friend, and sporadic texts become our lifelines until we can finally schedule time to catch-up after what feels like forever.
Let’s face it — things have changed. Life has thrown new priorities at me, altering how I see things and how I think. The same goes for my friends. Adjusting has been tough. My friendships, like many others, have weathered their fair share of storms, leaving me feeling disappointed, ignored, left out, hurt, and at times, downright angry.
But I’ve learned to accept change. I’ve learned to extend grace to my friends and hope they do the same for me. The journey wasn’t smooth, but I’ve come to terms with the not-so-glamorous side of adult friendships and you can too.
Here is the ugly reality of adult friendships I wish I had known before:
People Change, Including Your Friends
Adulthood brings evolution — new perspectives, priorities, and interests. The reality is that your friends may change, too. Some may grow apart, pursuing different paths, and it’s important to acknowledge that these shifts are a natural part of life. This doesn’t just apply to friends; it extends to you as well. It may be difficult to accept but, the person you were when you formed those bonds might not be the same person you are today.
Positive transformations are part of this journey. However, your friends may not fully understand or resonate with these changes. That’s okay. You don’t have to revert to your old self to meet their expectations. If you find yourself in a better place mentally, emotionally, or in any aspect of life, hold onto that progress.
Talk about the changes you’ve experienced and encourage your friends to accept the “new” you. Despite your efforts, some friends may struggle to adapt. In such cases, you have a choice to make. Continue encouraging understanding, or make the difficult decision to part ways. It’s not about discarding friendships but recognizing that, for your well-being, letting go of friends who hinder your growth is sometimes necessary.
Time Becomes a Precious Commodity
Growing up means more responsibilities — work, family, you name it. Suddenly, the free time you once had with friends becomes hard to find. Plans are harder to make, schedules clash, and keeping up becomes a challenge.
Finding time for friends becomes rare and valuable. When those chances pop up, it’s important to really appreciate them. Be there with your friends, enjoy every moment because these opportunities might not come often.
In a world where time is a luxury, having good connections is even more important. Whether it’s a quick coffee chat or a weekend with old friends, being fully there in those moments is key to keeping strong connections.
Communication Takes Effort
Adult friendships require intentional effort. To keep the bond strong, we have to actively plan time for each other. The truth is, the ease of constant communication from earlier years may fade, and both sides need to be adaptable and understanding.
It may be a hard pill to swallow, but it is also important to recognize that communication is a two-way street. Holding onto thoughts like ‘they didn’t text me first last time’ is childish. It’s time to grow up — I know because I’ve been there. People have a lot going on, and not reaching out first doesn’t mean they don’t want to see you.
If they didn’t want to be your friend, trust me, you’ll see it in other ways. Not texting you first isn’t a definitive sign. So, if you feel that tug of missing someone, don’t hesitate — send a text, make a call, and cherish the connection you have.
Reflecting on the journey of adult friendships, it’s clear that change is inevitable. Through highs and lows, I’ve learned that friendships evolve with us.
To those who’ve weathered the tests of time with me, thank you for adapting, understanding, and creating enduring moments. Cheers to resilient friendships and the beautiful mess of adulting!
