How to survive a sociopath*
There’s been a few times in my life when I’ve been not only been badly, badly shafted by someone, but painted as the bad guy to boot.
I’ve been so stunned by the turn of events I’ve wasted ages trying to figure it out. How did it come to this? Could I have done things differently?
Then you put all the pieces together: all the flagrant twisting of the facts of events (that make you look bad), the poisoning of your image with other people, the manipulation to get what they always wanted, and the carnage you remember that person has caused elsewhere.
Suddenly you realise what you’ve been dealing with all along is a sociopath*.
They were so charming at first. Growing difficulty when you didn’t do what they wanted. Then pow! Before you know it, you’re done. Or actually done over.
The good news (if you can call it that) is that in the end the truth comes out. They move elsewhere, do unto others what they’ve done to you, and reek havoc in someone else’s backyard.
For now all you can do is:
- weather the flack
- don’t take the bait
- consider at each flashpoint what is the right thing to do (and do it)
- be as kind as you can to people (even them)
- focus on action rather than words
- use that energy (the anger you feel at the injustice of it all) to do good, positive work in places you can have an impact, and
- “just get on with things” as my mum would say.
Oh and stay well clear of them. Any attempts to identify and point out the truth, the facts of what happened will only make things worse. Don’t waste your time. It only gives them fuel for more ammunition and will make you feel worse.
They’re out there folks. That’s 4 I’ve encountered now. I mean fully blown sociopaths. The penny dropped on the forth for me yesterday. I s’pose 4 in 50 years, out of all the people I’ve known, isn’t too bad.
It’s just when you’ve let them close into your life it hurts the most.
* A sociopath can be defined as a person who has Antisocial Personality Disorder. This disorder is characterized by a complete disregard for the feelings of others, a lack of remorse or shame, manipulative behavior, unchecked egocentricity, and the ability to lie in order to achieve one’s goals. Sociopaths can be dangerous at worst or simply very difficult to deal with. (Source: WikiHow)
ps. Luckily for me this time I had a witness. My wife. Who was and is truly wonderful and supportive. I think this whole episode has brought us even closer together. Her sensitivity, kindness and ability to think deeply about the world is a rare gift.
Photo by Dan Hancock
