Connecting to Unconditional Love
by Krystyna Weston — Mind Body Counsellor
This morning I connected with an energy far more enduring and powerful than what I have yearned for on the physical plane. I realised I can have an intimate connection with my daughter without needing her engagement in my physical reality.
Today I felt the energy of what true unconditional love is all about.
18 months ago, my adult daughter disowned me, causing me enormous pain and suffering at many levels.
Today is my daughter’s 29th birthday. It’s a sad day for me as she has not responded to any of my communication for many months. I’m filled with deep sadness at the loss of human connection with her. A mother-daughter bond I believed to be unbreakable.
Whilst on a physical level she is choosing separation, separation is only my reality if I choose it to be. It is of course me and only me who chooses my reality. I am always at choice.
What I realised, in a lighting bolt gift from the universe, is I have a connection with her on a far deeper level than the human, 3D connection.
Today, in a momentary energetic hit, I understood what it means to unconditionally love someone. A feeling that goes beyond the words.
She is of my flesh. She carries my DNA. She carries the cellular memory of many generations of women in our family who have given birth. She too is now a mother and continues to pass this gift of life to future generations.
It’s easy to unconditionally love a baby or child. They are so pure and innocent. They have no agenda and act without malice or motive. I still recall only hours after my daughter was born, lying next to her looking into her eyes. Our souls met and a bond was formed that no human can ever tear apart. An inexplicable and divine connection.
Our children grow up all too quickly. They make themselves known to the world with their preferences, choices and behaviours. As parents we try our best to influence, ensuring our children adopt behaviours and values which are virtuous and loving.
We watch them grow. We watch our children make mistakes, just as we have made our own. We stand always ready to support and even rescue if required. Always there, no matter what.
Almost two years ago, the unthinkable happened. The child I lovingly raised started behaving uncharacteristically. It was as if her physical form had been inhabited by another being, a being I no longer recognised. Her mannerisms changed. Her behaviour changed. Her tone and the way she spoke changed. The things she spoke about changed.
The effervescent bubbly daughter who sat at the kitchen bench telling me every tiny detail of every conversation and every experience had vanished.
Her choices changed. Choices which no longer included me.
It was tough to experience. Tough being the understatement of the decade. It was devastating and life changing.
My journey, to make sense of this, started with complete denial.
Denial
- This can’t be happening!!
- WTF — you said I did what!!!!
- Who told you these untruths?
- Why are you choosing to believe these stories from a person or people you won’t name?
- What evidence do you have?
- I can’t believe this is happening!!
Anger
- Why won’t you meet with me to discuss it?
- Don’t I get a right to reply??
- I can’t believe you don’t trust me!
- WTF you won’t meet with me!!! You won’t talk to me!!!
- What has become of my child? This is not the person I thought I knew.
- I have always been there for you. I raised you as a single parent, I did everything, sacrificed so much for you and you repay me by treating me with such disrespect and cruelty!!
- I can’t believe you would break up the family for this — especially now you are a mother yourself!!!
Bargaining
- Please meet with me. I love you. I will always love you. Please give me a chance to understand what has happened.
- Doesn’t our history together mean anything?
- I will do anything to have everything back “to normal”.
- If only I was a better parent, this would never have happened.
Depression
- She is gone. She has blocked me on every form of communication. She won’t engage at all.
- How could I have failed so miserably as a parent?
- Where did I go wrong?
- I can’t cope with these feelings of loss. I am in emotional and physical pain.
- I am unwell and I can’t see a way past this.
- I will never have a relationship with my daughter.
- I will never have a relationship with my granddaughter.
- Things are truly fuxxed up!!
Acceptance
- I can’t change the situation.
- I have done everything I can whilst respecting her right to believe what she believes and make the choices she has made.
- She has her perspective and that’s ok.
- I trust everything will be ok. It is as it needs to be right now.
I continue to work towards what I know will bring me peace.
Being in acceptance takes time and reflection. It requires you to come to a point where you not only intellectually accept the situation but also energetically accept it. To be honest I vacillate between these states.
There are times when I am in acceptance and other times, like today, her 29th birthday, when the wounds open up and I am once again connected to the loss. A loss I may never recover from in this lifetime. I’m human and I am perfectly imperfect.
This morning I energetically connected to something that has positively contributed to my healing, supporting my emotional journey. I connected to the philosophies I have learned as a counsellor and coach, at an energetic level. Philosophies which only mean something when you can actually embody them rather than intellectualise them.
I crossed the line from mind and body to spirit, connecting to a knowing which was a gift to my soul.
My daughter is not her beliefs — I love her unconditionally
My daughter is not her behaviour — I love her unconditionally
My daughter is not the mask she wears — I love her unconditionally
My daughter is not the words she speaks — I love her unconditionally
My daughter is not her values — I love her unconditionally
My daughter is not her social media posts — I love her unconditionally
My daughter is not the company she keeps — I love her unconditionally
My daughter is not the choices she makes — I love her unconditionally
The most challenging part of my journey was to unconditionally love someone who had made choices which resulted in feelings of hurt and pain. I include myself in this remark.
The journey always starts with self. I did not arrive at unconditional love for my daughter by accident. I have been on a journey of forgiving myself and learning to love myself. It is only when we know and love ourselves, we can love another.
I am not my beliefs — I love myself unconditionally
I am not my behaviour — I love myself unconditionally
I am not the mask I wear — I love myself unconditionally
I am not the words I speak — I love myself unconditionally
I am not my values — I love myself unconditionally
I am not my social media posts — I love myself unconditionally
I am not the company I keep — I love myself unconditionally
I am not the choices I make — I love myself unconditionally
My daughter and I are an energy beyond all of these beliefs and behaviours. We are pure and perfect spirits sent to this world to experience our own lives, to learn and grow and in doing so hopefully leave the world a better place.
No matter what, I unconditionally love the essence of my daughter AND no matter what, I unconditionally love myself.
I may not have a relationship in the physical world, but I will always have a deep connection to you, my darling daughter. A connection born when our souls first met and entered into an eternal contract of unconditional love.
