Making Decisions With Empathy -The Heart Led Way
by Krystyna Weston
“Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection — or compassionate action.”
― Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships
In my last story, I discussed the first letter in the Heart Led Decisions© Framework — H — Humanise.
The Heart Led Decisions © Framework has a simple mnemonic H.E.A.R.T.
My Heart Led Decisions© Framework has the following steps:
H — Humanise
E — Empathise
A — Authenticate
R — Rationale
T — Tangibilise
In this story we explore the letter E — Empathise
EMPATHISE
When we empathise, we understand how someone else feels. We take the time to consider what it might be like to walk in another’s shoes. We have an opportunity to make decisions that are compassionate and considerate of ourselves and others.
When we empathise in a decision framework, we explore how others are impacted and assess the decision through their eyes. We appreciate people as human beings with feelings rather than a resource to be allocated and managed.
In the Heart Led Decisions© Framework, having ‘Humanised’ and identified who will be affected, the next step is to explore how you or others will be impacted. This step invites you to consider the consequences of the decision.
Even if you disagree with another’s perspective, understanding others is an essential part of any decision-making process.
Are you challenged to name how the decision impacts you or others?
SELF
You might be surprised to see the word “self” in the context of a story about empathy. Operating from ego and self interest seems to come naturally to humans — what we are less skilled at is understanding how a decision may impact the relationship we have with ourselves.
If you are challenged to name how a decision will impact you, decisions are at risk of being out of alignment with your values, leading to internal conflict.
When we are out of alignment we are like a tree in a wild storm, helpless against wind gusts and at threat of being uprooted.
Do you consciously understand how decisions impact you? How strong are your roots? Do your foundations support you in making decisions that respect your core beliefs and values?
So many of us make decisions from an unconscious place. Some of us do this to please others, be part of the “in” group, avoid conflict, or be the person we believe others want us to be. When we do this, we fail to consider how the decision will impact our wellbeing.
Decisions which fail to acknowledge or process how we might be affected often result in internal conflict, which if not processed, leads to dis ease in all senses of the word.
OTHERS
If you struggle to name how others might feel as a consequence of a decision, you run the risk of making heart less decisions.
If considering how others will be impacted does not even enter your mind, I’m going to respectfully suggest you reboot your internal operating system!
Heart less decisions, which fail to take into account how others are impacted, have a way of being exposed, named and shamed with consequential brand damage at personal and business levels. You just need to skim through the headlines of any newspaper and you will find a litany of leaders being called out for their failure to empathise.
For those who are less connected to their own feelings and the feelings of others, this step will present a significant opportunity for personal growth. Those who have poorly developed emotional awareness skills often find their leadership ambitions stymied.
Great leaders have well developed intrapersonal and interpersonal skills.
It is no longer enough to be intellectually smart. You now also need to be emotionally intelligent, compassionate and mature.
In both business and personal contexts, people who make decisions that fail to recognise and understand the impact on others, quickly find themselves without friends and supporters or in shallow, transactional and unrewarding relationships. Relationships which vaporise as quickly as their influence.
When we consider how all the stakeholders are impacted by a decision, we have the best chance to ensure decisions are Heart Led and aligned to personal and community needs.
In asking and answering ‘how’, we can review our decisions and strive for an alternative that delivers on multiple attributes and not just financial rewards.
Heart Led Leaders are courageous, vulnerable and values-driven. They have developed skills to access and interpret their emotions and the emotions of others. They make their best decisions by engaging more than their brain.
I invite courageous leaders to embrace Heart Led Decisions over heart less decisions and create harmonious and congruent environments, communities and businesses. If you would like to make more Heart Led Decisions in your personal life or organisation, I would love to share how!
This is the third article in a series of stories discussing Heart Led Decisions.
