Why we don’t take the advice of experts when told to slow down
by Krystyna Weston — Leadership Coach and Mind Body Counsellor
Ever wondered why we can’t make the necessary changes in our life to prevent us from experiencing burnout? How we are unable to take the advice of people who care about us?
How many times have friends or family members said…
“Slow down…take a break…you know you are going to get sick if you don’t stop and take time out.”
“ Nobody ever dies saying I wish I had spent more time working.”
“You know all work and no play …”
“What you need is more balance!!”
“ Come on, go to bed. It can wait til the morning.”
“ What you really need is a holiday — just take a few leave days.”
“ You know you really need to start looking after yourself!”
“ If you just take a day off you will be more energised and more productive.”
Whenever anyone said any of these things to me, at one level I knew they were logical BUT it made NO difference to my behaviour!
I did not slow down. I did not take a break. I was not successful at having more balance. Even when I exercised, it was at full throttle. High powered spin classes, running and aerobics classes. Doing one class was not enough — it was back to back classes or I was wimping out.
In fact I worked as hard at exercise as I did at my job.
At the height of my ‘success at all costs era’, the thought of doing a Tai Chi class, which required me to slow down and breath, was akin to slow water torture. In fact I signed up for some classes thinking they would be a silver bullet and the slow pace of the classes infuriated me. I was so stressed by them, I quit.
I have been a compulsive High Achiever. Stopping was NEVER an option.
You could give me all the scientific, neuroscience and neuroplasticity evidence in the world and whilst my logical brain got it (after all I’m not stupid), my Emotional Body was operating on a completely different frequency, resulting in zero difference in my behaviour.
Suggesting I slow down was like asking a 3 year old to do a double backflip with a twist, off a 10m high diving board. NOT POSSIBLE!!
Most advice is completely counterintuitive to our internal Emotional Body design.
The reason I had been unable to take the advice which is espoused in every blog and video on stress management is that the advice is completely counterintuitive to my internal Emotional Body design. In addition I had an Internal Board of Advice made up of a Higher Achiever, a Pusher and a Responsible Persona who were busy keeping me safe, ensuring I perform their job descriptions to perfection. As if that wasn't enough, there was also a Perfectionist in their midst!
Whenever anyone suggested I take a rest my internal Personas screamed!!
“ If you don’t do this, who will??”
“ You know that no one, absolutely no one can do this job as well as you!”
“ You know you can’t let your boss down. Just a few more hours and then you can go to sleep…a few more hours and then you can get some rest.”
“ If you don’t work all weekend the world will fall apart, the sun will stop shining and the moon won’t come out at night. In fact the future rests entirely on your shoulders and your shoulders alone. Not just your future but everybody’s future!!
After years of working on myself and having numerous counselling sessions, I had a Voice Dialogue session where the counsellor facilitated a meeting with what I have now termed, my Internal Board of Advice. What a revelation! I discovered I had allowed my trusted advisers to run amuck!
The very advisers whose job it was to protect me were actually responsible for my pain and illness. They were pushing me without restraint.
There was no voice of reason. Just the voice of hard work!
Their advice to keep going and work harder was causing complete havoc in my Emotional Body. I had let the High Achiever and the Pusher speak all of the time, in fact speaking is putting it mildly. They were perpetually yelling at me.
To make matters worse, I had exiled the Hippy/ Woo Woo Chick and the Fun Girl. They were exiled because I was under the mistaken belief that these Personas were not going to support me in getting ahead. If I listened to them, I would be a complete failure and never get anything done. Furthermore, they were not going to take me on the path to success.
As the Chairperson of my Internal Board of Advice, I had chosen to listen only to the voices which screamed the loudest. The ones which had taken prime position in my Emotional Body. They had in fact been resident in my Emotional Body for a very very long time and had done an excellent job of helping me achieve success. The only issue was, they had gone too far and their energetic volume was too loud and no longer in my best interests.
It was time for balance. It was also time to undertake a board shuffle and invite the Hippy Woo Woo Chick and the Fun Girl back and give them a voice.
If you would like to discover who is on your Board of Advice and are ready for a board reshuffle, please get in touch! You can find me at krystyna@ krystynaweston.com
I work with a range of modalities. My work with clients is inspired by my journey as well as my training in Mind Body Counselling, Reiki, Modern Applied Psychology and Ecopsychology. I also draw upon Hal and Sidra Stone’s work in Voice Dialogue.
