Maybe it’s not about the place, maybe it’s about the people

Once upon a time — well not really — it’s actually around 2 years ago, that I was working in KL, Malaysia. It was an enjoyable, passionate 8-to-5 office job in an IT company. It was a job that I took while I was at the end of my PhD studies. I loved my job, my bosses, my colleagues, then one day an email came from another IT company — this one in Bali — yes that paradise Bali island that we all had dreamed of living in — stating that I passed the final interview and they offered me the job. So I was elated, over the moon, and started wondering and planning all the fun adventures and hangouts that I’d be doing there (outside office-hour of course). Regardless, I felt sad for leaving my then job in KL, I’d miss my cheerful supportive bosses and colleagues, and they’d miss me too (I strongly believed), my manager looked and sounded very sad (disappointed) when she found out that I was leaving. Eventually, I made the decision to move to Bali and presumably was gonna have the best times of my life. Even more, my University friends were super excited when I told them the spectacular news.

Arrived in Bali, the company offered me a temporary accommodation while I was looking for a “permanent” place to stay. 3 months later and I’d already tried 2 different mini apartments, much to the beautiful varieties of studio rooms available in Bali — I’m telling you that this is actually the best part of living in Bali in my opinion; so many studio rooms offering mesmerizing interior designs quite affordably.

Here’s the part we’ve all been waiting for to hear: the actual things that I’d been doing outside of work-hours; spending times on beaches — checked, road trips — checked, diving — checked, regular cafe hopping — checked, visiting most famous landmarks in Bali — checked, I even had learned skateboarding and had started fun cycling to work. To even sweeten the deal, the company I’d been working for had given me a few sponsored trips, and the best one was when I was transferred to Melbourne. That was the most wonderful work-life balance I ever had — I could skate the whole day while enjoying the pleasant winter there. I also got to meet my super-cool super-smart super-conducive colleagues in our Melbourne headquarter.

So things were visually in place; I was doing the job that I loved on a beautiful island, hanged out regularly, having fun hobbies, and had been living a healthy lifestyle. What could go wrong then for a ready-to-take-on-the-world person? Here it is — it’s not that things went wrong — but things got lonely — oh wait — it’s not that things got lonely — but I got lonely. So what happened to those regular hangouts? The thing about hanging out or going out is that you meet people regularly — but quickly — I mean it’s temporary connection — unless special case where you could actually make best friends within few hours (what’s the chance?).

Fast forward and I’d been doing the same routines; go to work, hangout afterwards, get to know new people, say bye to each other, go back home and sleep. At the same time I’d already submitted my PhD hardbound theses and was all prepared to attend my grand convocation in my University in Malaysia. All I thought was “Let me do the convocation fast then quickly go back to my work” — Oh ya I forgot to tell how much I’d got hold of my job; I’d fallen in love with my job that I could actually spend longer hours on it while maintaining my sanity.

Let’s go back to the part where I was about to attend my grand convocation. I call it “grand” not merely because it’s huge, but because of what would happen around it when I finally attended. So I took my flight to Malaysia, took the train to reach Perak state, took the accommodation thingies, and took Grab ride to my University - this is where things got emotional. Being back in my University, memories flashed back and forth in my head (I was literally standing still in front of the library while doing this); I remembered how excited I was when I first stepped foot on this place, remembered how I got to know my friends, remembered how we used to do events together, remembered how we used to spend random times together, remembered when I argued with some friends but we remained friends anyway, remembered when we’re supposed to do interval training but ended up watching the netball chicks train instead - all in all — it’s all about the friendships — pure true friendships. It felt like yesterday that they all happened. So I decided to scan around the campus to see if I could find any of my friends — and thank God that I found them, although not too many of them, but more than enough to make me realize how much I’d missed them in the past 2 years. I suddenly felt happy (again) after 2 years of covered “sugarcoated” loneliness. I was so happy meeting my friends that I intentionally kept asking questions about how they’d been doing. To maximize the occasion, I was consistently arranging lunches and dinners just so I could spend time with them. I knew sooner or later we’d part ways (again), so let’s share the moments when we had the chance.

How could University friends be that special, meaningful, and fulfilling? I believe it has so much to do with the anthropology characteristics of the Uni itself. In a multi-nation multi-culture environment, people are inspired to be the best versions of them, so that they are accepted, loved, adored, admired, respected, and whatnots — which then leads to them having open heart, be tolerant, be forgiving, be generous, having unbiased perceptions, be non-judgy, and whatnots. Added the long duration of the connection itself (remember we spent years in Uni), we’d get a massive strong memorable fulfilling lovely social circle that we’d wish to keep for the rest of our lives. Long story short, we’d make family.

Up to this point, you might be wondering what kinda people that I made friends with. Here it is: I don’t really make friends with just everybody, I think that’s actually “dangerous”, you might end up in the wrong circles and get broken mentally. Just like most of us, I like to get close to people with more positivity/optimism than me and possess better life values than me; those kinds of people who are just naturally good, encouraging, ethical, entertaining, cool — those who talk about making the world better, solving hunger, eradicating poverty, volunteering, donating, go-green, ocean cleansing, latest tech, personal ambition/vision/mission, and whatnots. So at this point, you would have found out why I’d missed my Uni friends so much — add it to the fact that decent people are not very easy to find. This may sound too good to be true, but I really had those people. My point is: at a specific period of my life, I got to know special people that made my days. We didn’t visit the beach regularly nor did we hangout very often, but it was mostly just the pure companion/interaction that made it all pleasant. You don’t need to be “perfectly-placed”, you just need to be decently-surrounded. You may not know the difference till you experience both.

And here’s a high-five to all who’ve figured it out.

7 December 2019