A Letter From My Mother
What Really Matters to Your Kids and Letting Go of Mother’s Guilt
Four years ago when I turned 40, my mother wrote me a letter which I’ve kept in my jewelry box ever since. I read it often, especially when I’m feeling low.
What strikes me about this letter is the prevailing and entirely unwarranted sense of mother’s guilt — the feeling all moms have that we have either done too little or too much for our kids. As moms we all have regrets. We compare ourselves to other moms and constantly fall short. But here’s the reality: if we can manage to keep our kids clothed, housed, fed AND to love them unconditionally, then we’ve done our jobs well. Period. We really need to find a way to not be so hard on ourselves.
This letter is hard evidence that my mother is the mom she always hoped to be (no one could write such things and be anything but good). This letter disproves all those times my mom has said things like, “I wish I had been a better mother.” She was always more than enough. So much more than she ever gave herself credit for. I want her to believe this, to know this for certain.
And when she tries to tell me again how she messed up at being a mom, I’ll point to my heart and say, “Impossible!” And if she still tries to argue, I’ll point to this letter and say, “Gotcha!”
The sad truth is there are lots of children (young and old) in this world desperately waiting for their parents to say, “I love you, and I’m so proud of you just the way you are” but never hear it. I know how extremely fortunate I am to have been born to a mother who has always made me feel treasured.
Just listen:
My Baby Girl,
You said Sunday that you hated the idea of turning 40 — my baby, it’s just another stepping stone and you’ve crossed over many with such grace. I’m going to put in writing how much you are loved and admired by everyone who is and has been in your life.
When I’m with you there is a calmness and peace in my heart. I always think about how beautiful and loving you have always been since birth. I love you more than you can imagine. I admire you more than you can ever know. I have always walked a step behind you when lots of times I should’ve been in front — strong enough to help you.
You have accepted me no matter how nuts it must have made you, you never let it show. I will never understand why God let me have such a beautiful, sweet daughter. Thank God, you have always been the best part of my heart and soul.
Over the years I have watched you be such a good mother. You say you have not, but I have listened and watched (and I’ve always told you I wish I had been mothered by you).
You attempted to finish school three times and I know that was so hard for you. I was always waiting to hear if you got a passing grade and you worked so hard on those papers. I am so proud of your for so many reasons (these words are so hollow).
It’s really hard to tell someone how much awfully much you love them so they will feel it. I don’t know how to show it like I should, but you always remember that your mother loves you more than anyone in the whole world. You were part of my body when I carried you for nine months and that has never changed for a second. You are so precious to me!
You have always been beautiful but you have even gotten more so. I have reread this and it still not enough — I can’t put it into words. You are such a wonderful woman, I would think this even if you were not my daughter.
Happy birthday, my sweet baby girl,
Your humble Momma
Through lots of happy tears (I cry everytime I read this) — I’d like to wish my mom a very happy Mother’s Day.
Mom, you are just the mother I needed, the mother I wanted, and the mother I was meant to have. Thank you…for everything.
My greatest wish for you (and all of the other good mothers out there) is to able to let go of the guilt. There’s absolutely no reason for it.
