Bouncing Back: How a Special Forces Vet Found Life After Killing His Best Friend
There’s a good reason why “Think happy thoughts” or “Just get over it” doesn’t work for some types of of trauma, like moral injury and other forms of adversity.
“It’s late and dark somewhere in the mountains of Afghanistan. Our mission has just gone from bad to fucked up. An intelligence disaster — out of date information, ignorant militia fighters, one in particular who has seriously betrayed us.
You know what betrayal feels like? Like you’re being held down and forced to swallow a big, steamy pile of dogshit — or horseshit, or pigshit, or whatever shit is the most disgusting around. And as much as you close your eyes, hold your nose, and try to convince yourself that the sickness you feel is something other than what it is, the fact is that it’s still betrayal, and it’s still shit.
And now? That shit just blew up in front of my face.
One minute I’m watching Jay (my buddy’s) shadow move carefully and deliberately, as he always did. The next it’s become a fireball — a red blazing comet, searing through the air, and then crashing into the earth. What happened next is blurry. What I remember is kneeling over him, my hands covered…
